I didn't have a nap today. I'm a rebel. I have no aches and pains and I feel really good. My parents would both be telling me "don't push it" but I'm good. I can tell I am getting better when the thought of alcohol sounds good again. I am excited for Tom & Jerry's at Christmas time. If I was feeling crummy then the thought of them would make my stomach turn. It probably doesn't sound good that I judge my wellness on the thought of a seasonal drink, but oh well.
The more I near the end of chemotherapy, the more I think about the possibility of recurrence. Its a definite fear that I am hoping will enter my mind less and less as time goes on. That 76% just won't totally disappear from my memory...
I am very excited for Christmas with family. I keep trying to talk about Santa Clause with Max, but when I say things like "are you excited for Santa to come?" He says, "no." He's really good with no.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Snow Days
I was going to go back to work today, but school was cancelled for snow. Bummer, no work for me. We went and played in the snow yesterday, Max actually loved it and didn't complain about being cold. Cannon was just sort of fascinated and stared. When we put him inside with Grandpa though, and he could see everyone outside, then he was mad and wanted back out.
I'm feeling good today. Very few aches and pains, very little loopiness. I'll still need a nap, but I feel pretty good. I got a blanket for my birthday from my parents that I curl up in for nap time. Its dark red, and has sleeves and a sort of hood thing. It takes me a while to warm up, so I require a lot of blankets, but anyway, I totally look like the hare krishna. I should be standing at an airport handing out red flowers with messages of some sort attached. Peace be with you, now give me a dollar. Maybe that will be my back-up career if this whole teaching thing doesn't work out.
Anyway, here are pics of Max & Cannon just because I like them. This is Max in the snow yesterday, and Cannon with my hat on.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Uno Mas!!
I have one more!! I'm singing that line by the way. My stomach felt a little uneasy today, but I feel pretty good overall. Acupuncture helped a lot today, it was very relaxing and helped with my stomach and such. I also talked to the oncologist about drugs to take after radiation, (tamoxifen) and what it does, how it works. There were pictures and everything it was good stuff.
It is kind of nice to see a doctor regularly I am finding. Even things that are not related to cancer, there's a doctor there to ask and tell me its nothing, or check it out. I have had fluid in my ear on and off for a while, so she checked it out for me. Ever since I had that earwig crawl into my ear (sorry Lisa) I'm freaked out by anything in my ear. A littly hypersensitive you might say. :) I think I have good reason. Anyway, a nurse is going to clean it out for me tomorrow when I go back to get the immune booster shot thing. Apparently there's a nurse there that's really good at it. How you get really good at cleaning ears, I don't know. Seems like an odd thing to speacialize in, but hey, everyone has their random talents. I kick butt at minesweeper for instance. I am the greatest minesweeper player in the world. Its not going to make me a million dollars unfortunately, but sometimes someone is impressed by it.
Oh, so the drug, I take it for five years, starting after radiation. It can have "menopause like systems." Cool, I already have that from chemo therapy so more hot flashes and night sweats. I can live with that. My head actually just starting sweating, so here's another one! They're not bad and usually make me laugh, so its fine. Between three and six months after radiation I will go back for a bone scan and a CAT scan. If those are all clear, then I won't have one for another six months to a year. I will have blood work done I think about every three months because there's a way they can check for specific tumors with the blood. Again, I will probably get aspects of this wrong, but my understanding is that they can use my blood to check if the liver is operating normally, check if there is a tumor on my brain even. These scientists and doctors are significantly smarter than me. :) They're probably not quite as smart as my cousin Kellini, but they're close.
According to the oncologist if cancer is going to return, it doesn't usually do it until after five years. Who knows why.
Radiation definitely is hard on the body and there are a few people even who are adamantly against radiation. I talked to my acupuncturist about it today, and her feelings were its so focused and centralized that yes, its hard on that part of the body, but its much better now than it used to be. She also said that if its that or cancer, then she'd pick radiation. :) I like her!
There was some talk from my oncologist before one treatment of putting me into menopause because there is a post menopause drug that has been found to maybe work better than the pre-menopausal drug. This was when she thought I was Jewish. I know, sounds funny. There is a Jewish population of people that are at an incredibly high risk of having breast cancer and ovarian cancer, so they do more intense preventative measures. For some reason my surgeon was under the impression I was Jewish, so it took about three appointments to convince my oncologist that no, he's wrong, I don't have a Jewish heritage. Anyway, so I talked to her today about the putting me into menopause thing. To do this, they have an injection they can do that you have to closely monitor and makes your brain think you're in menopause, its not ideal. Another option is to have surgery where they put two little incisions in your skin and basically suck out your ovaries. This cancer thing is glamorous, glamorous, glamorous. I have plastic bags in my chest, I have no hair, I have like 2 eye lashes that I keep layering with mascara to emphasize (yeah that'll make them look normal), and scars all over the place. Oh, and a large lump below my collarbone that is a port. Yup, let's suck out the ovaries, I love it. Anyway, so I told her I really didn't want to do the suction thing or the injection thing, but I didn't want to be stupid about any of this either. She said she thought it would be fine if I didn't do it and stuck with the tamoxifen. Aaaahhh, good stuff. So, bottom line after all this rambling, I'm not Jewish, I'm not removing any more body parts or organs, I will take tamoxifen, and I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE!!!!
It is kind of nice to see a doctor regularly I am finding. Even things that are not related to cancer, there's a doctor there to ask and tell me its nothing, or check it out. I have had fluid in my ear on and off for a while, so she checked it out for me. Ever since I had that earwig crawl into my ear (sorry Lisa) I'm freaked out by anything in my ear. A littly hypersensitive you might say. :) I think I have good reason. Anyway, a nurse is going to clean it out for me tomorrow when I go back to get the immune booster shot thing. Apparently there's a nurse there that's really good at it. How you get really good at cleaning ears, I don't know. Seems like an odd thing to speacialize in, but hey, everyone has their random talents. I kick butt at minesweeper for instance. I am the greatest minesweeper player in the world. Its not going to make me a million dollars unfortunately, but sometimes someone is impressed by it.
Oh, so the drug, I take it for five years, starting after radiation. It can have "menopause like systems." Cool, I already have that from chemo therapy so more hot flashes and night sweats. I can live with that. My head actually just starting sweating, so here's another one! They're not bad and usually make me laugh, so its fine. Between three and six months after radiation I will go back for a bone scan and a CAT scan. If those are all clear, then I won't have one for another six months to a year. I will have blood work done I think about every three months because there's a way they can check for specific tumors with the blood. Again, I will probably get aspects of this wrong, but my understanding is that they can use my blood to check if the liver is operating normally, check if there is a tumor on my brain even. These scientists and doctors are significantly smarter than me. :) They're probably not quite as smart as my cousin Kellini, but they're close.
According to the oncologist if cancer is going to return, it doesn't usually do it until after five years. Who knows why.
Radiation definitely is hard on the body and there are a few people even who are adamantly against radiation. I talked to my acupuncturist about it today, and her feelings were its so focused and centralized that yes, its hard on that part of the body, but its much better now than it used to be. She also said that if its that or cancer, then she'd pick radiation. :) I like her!
There was some talk from my oncologist before one treatment of putting me into menopause because there is a post menopause drug that has been found to maybe work better than the pre-menopausal drug. This was when she thought I was Jewish. I know, sounds funny. There is a Jewish population of people that are at an incredibly high risk of having breast cancer and ovarian cancer, so they do more intense preventative measures. For some reason my surgeon was under the impression I was Jewish, so it took about three appointments to convince my oncologist that no, he's wrong, I don't have a Jewish heritage. Anyway, so I talked to her today about the putting me into menopause thing. To do this, they have an injection they can do that you have to closely monitor and makes your brain think you're in menopause, its not ideal. Another option is to have surgery where they put two little incisions in your skin and basically suck out your ovaries. This cancer thing is glamorous, glamorous, glamorous. I have plastic bags in my chest, I have no hair, I have like 2 eye lashes that I keep layering with mascara to emphasize (yeah that'll make them look normal), and scars all over the place. Oh, and a large lump below my collarbone that is a port. Yup, let's suck out the ovaries, I love it. Anyway, so I told her I really didn't want to do the suction thing or the injection thing, but I didn't want to be stupid about any of this either. She said she thought it would be fine if I didn't do it and stuck with the tamoxifen. Aaaahhh, good stuff. So, bottom line after all this rambling, I'm not Jewish, I'm not removing any more body parts or organs, I will take tamoxifen, and I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE!!!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Its All About Me
I was telling Brent the other day that I'm getting used to all this attention. I used to be very uncomfortable with the focus being on me, and I still am a little, but its getting easier!! My birthday was Wednesday, so I had my coworkers singing me happy birthday and balloons covering my classroom, in addition to the usual attention of people wondering how I'm doing and helping us with dinners. Yeah, I could get used to this whole "its all about me" thing. It could be rough when I go back to having to take care of myself. What's that about?
I have chemo #7 on Monday!! It should be the last time I have to miss school to do it, and therefore the last time my dad should have to come. Although he says he's "getting into teaching shape again." Since he was here almost the whole week last week it was easier as far as getting to know kids, etc. When I reminded my class I was going to be gone, they were all pumped that he's coming in. I think I'm meaner than he is. :)
I have had itchy hands on and off this week. Apparently that's a common side effect to chemotherapy. I'm sure they probably told me that at some point, but I have a hard time paying attention. Anyway, I called the nurses about it, and one said there was really not a whole lot I can do about it, and the other one said to check out chemocare.com. Some things work for some people, some of it doesn't work for anyone, but its worth a shot. It is kind of entertaining to me that there's a web site for help with side effects that sort of thing and I just now found out about it. I'm so not the researcher. The people that read this that have had breast cancer before probably read this and think, "wow, she just doesn't have a clue." A part of me feels guilty for not doing more research to learn about what's happening inside my own body, but I really just don't want to. Usually when I need to learn more about something I call Lisa. She knows everything and if she doesn't have an answer, she'll find it for me. Its totally lazy of me, and its horrible, I'm just not very smart. :) Anyway, have a great weekend, I think we're getting a Christmas tree for Cannon to tear down. Ha!
I have chemo #7 on Monday!! It should be the last time I have to miss school to do it, and therefore the last time my dad should have to come. Although he says he's "getting into teaching shape again." Since he was here almost the whole week last week it was easier as far as getting to know kids, etc. When I reminded my class I was going to be gone, they were all pumped that he's coming in. I think I'm meaner than he is. :)
I have had itchy hands on and off this week. Apparently that's a common side effect to chemotherapy. I'm sure they probably told me that at some point, but I have a hard time paying attention. Anyway, I called the nurses about it, and one said there was really not a whole lot I can do about it, and the other one said to check out chemocare.com. Some things work for some people, some of it doesn't work for anyone, but its worth a shot. It is kind of entertaining to me that there's a web site for help with side effects that sort of thing and I just now found out about it. I'm so not the researcher. The people that read this that have had breast cancer before probably read this and think, "wow, she just doesn't have a clue." A part of me feels guilty for not doing more research to learn about what's happening inside my own body, but I really just don't want to. Usually when I need to learn more about something I call Lisa. She knows everything and if she doesn't have an answer, she'll find it for me. Its totally lazy of me, and its horrible, I'm just not very smart. :) Anyway, have a great weekend, I think we're getting a Christmas tree for Cannon to tear down. Ha!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Christmas is coming!
Feeling good again, excited to go to work tomorrow because it means things have a faux-normal feel to them. My Aunt Stephanie and my cousins Ryan & Amy came over to dinner tonight. The cancer card came into play in that I invited them over, offered to make food (meaning, I offered for Brent to make food) and Amy insisted she bring dinner with them. I'm not really sure what we're going to do when we have to fend for ourselves again. Its been a while since we've had to like ... make dinner. :)
Max and I had a great two year old battle today that totally left me frustrated and irate and feeling stupid for letting a two year old get me this upset. It was nice to talk to Amy and Aunt Stephanie and be reassured yet again that he's two, its not cancer related. I think Max threw his first fit on his first birthday. Cannon turns one at the end of January. Does this mean I'm going to be doing two of these battles a day? Holy crap, I'm screwed. Chemo is nothing comparaed to that little sucker. Gotta love him.
I've been humming Christmas music non-stop lately. I am definitely excited for the holidays. Lisa loves Christmas music, and probably for that reason alone I hated it, but its grown on me, and we're getting close to almost done with this treatment business. Two more. The 15th and the 29th. They even let me schedule the last one. We're on the upswing of the roller coaster.
Max and I had a great two year old battle today that totally left me frustrated and irate and feeling stupid for letting a two year old get me this upset. It was nice to talk to Amy and Aunt Stephanie and be reassured yet again that he's two, its not cancer related. I think Max threw his first fit on his first birthday. Cannon turns one at the end of January. Does this mean I'm going to be doing two of these battles a day? Holy crap, I'm screwed. Chemo is nothing comparaed to that little sucker. Gotta love him.
I've been humming Christmas music non-stop lately. I am definitely excited for the holidays. Lisa loves Christmas music, and probably for that reason alone I hated it, but its grown on me, and we're getting close to almost done with this treatment business. Two more. The 15th and the 29th. They even let me schedule the last one. We're on the upswing of the roller coaster.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Still chemo
Ok, its not cake, its chemo. I felt all screwy yesterday, and last night had a huge headache and thought I was actually going to throw up. I didn't, but I didn't go back to school today either. I still feel a little loopy today. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of trying to figure out what I could have done differently. I'm tired of sleeping all day, I'm tired of the whole deal. I'm glad there are only 2 left, I know I can make it and everything will be fine, but it won't be as easy as I was hoping. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, and next week, blah blah blah. Irritating!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Cake
This chemo thing is cake. Ha ha! I'm starting to agree with Dr. Lee "is no problem." If I had had taxol first then adriamycin & cytoxan, it would have sucked. Having those miserable suckers first makes the taxol seem like a dream (accomplanied by my friend Emend). I didn't have an allergic reaction again today and I had fewer steroids. Those steroids are a little trippy. I kept wanting to tackle Brent...
I haven't had any of the tingling sensation in my hands and feet either, which is marvelous. About 5% of people experience that to a pretty serious degree to where they can't touch something without it causing pain. Good stuff. I have some additional tightening in my left arm pit which has me a little concerned. Dr. Lee set up an appointment with a physical therapist so she can give me some exercises to do everyday to help with tightening, and to help avoid lymphadema (pretty sure that's spelled wrong). She says this is pretty normal but can worsen during radiation. She also said that it seems to be ok, but it will make me feel better to go meet with her. I don't go until the 23rd.
I also got to schedule the last one today!!!!!! I have the next one December 15th, Happy Birthday Grandpa Leon, and the last one is December 29th, just in time for Rick's birthday.
We had a great Thanksgiving in SunRiver. I ate like I was a teenager, and when they weighed me today I kicked some scale butt. :) I totally would have won a weight gain contest if there had been one. We had so much food, and all of it tasted good, nothing had a metal taste, it was amazing. I guess I should start using that treadmill from the grandparents that's in the garage... Max & Cannon had a great time with their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandma, and great aunts, and Max was crying when we left, because he wanted to stay. Cannon got an eighth tooth, so he was a little whiny, but Rick & Debbie let him sleep in their room so we could sleep. It was heavenly. Conner is my two year old nephew, who is hilarious. It was good for me to see him throw the occasional fit though so I could be reassured that Max isn't a fit thrower because I'm sick or I have no hair, he's just 2. I have a little less guilt.
I go in for a Neulasta shot tomorrow for the immune system. I'm guessing some aches and pains will set in tomorrow evening. Whatever, I only have two left you're not bringing me down now man!!
Here's a picture of my favorite big kid and I. I tell Max I have a favorite baby, a favorite two year old, and a favorite big kid. The family pictures this year have everyone in hats. Great family support.
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