Reality

Back to reality! Brent and I had a great weekend, but of course forgot the camera... Gifted. Its usually Brent that actually remembers things like that, so I'm going to blame him. He'll love that. There were some beautiful days and views of mountains, water, etc. you'll just have to trust me. We had great food, did get to sleep in, and tried some Port Townsend beer that was great. It was a lot of time in the car, but we're used to that, so it was fun. Oh, we went to Port Townsend by the way. Its about a 35-40 minutes ferry ride from Seattle. Very relaxing, quiet little place. It was perfect for us.

I get the port yanked tomorrow. I'm tempted to do an online search and what comes up when I look for "port yanked," but I'm afraid of what I'll find. I'm sure it will not end up being a big deal, but it freaks me out. I had to be knocked out to put it in, a whole other surgery, etc. Now, to take it out, its an in-office deal!? Nobody has to drive me home, so there aren't enough drugs to calm me down... Oh geez. I picture blood squirting everywhere, the doctor laughing, and me sitting with my eyes closed waiting for it all to be over. I have a slight (major) tendency to over-react so I'm sure I'll be laughing at myself tomorrow night, but until then, I'm a little on edge. I'll be thrilled when its out though, it irritates the crap out of me. Some people leave them in forever. They love them. I don't get those people.

Brent

So there's this kid that I live with by the name of Brent. He and I have been basically co-existing for the last 6 months. Maybe you've heard of him? People tell me he's a nice guy...

Brent and I are going on a trip this weekend and thanks to the fabulous parents that I have, we are ditching the little dudes. We're not totally sure where we're headed, probably farther than originally planned because this Brent kid likes to drive. We have also been deemed "road whores." I'm excited to get to know this "Brent" character. I plan to sleep in, drink coffee, read a newspaper, and probably drink a beer or margarita or two.

WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!

I cried when I left the doctor's office yesterday. Total happy cry, and cry of relief, whatever, but it was awesome. I literally skipped to my last appointment. Brent met me in the waiting room with flowers, because he's wonderful and thoughtful. I still have appointments, final things to be done, but the big stuff is done!!!!!!! The "treatments" that are horrible for your body, (but that kill cancer) are done. The doctor warned me that my energy would not necessarily come back overnight. There are people who feel the worst the two weeks after their last dose. I don't care, I'm done.
I told Max and Cannon that I didn't have to go to any more doctors appointments for a while and that I was all better. Max said "so you can race now? and wrestle?" Cannon pointed out the window and said "dah?" Ha ha.
Without sounding too much like an Oscar acceptance speech... there's no way Brent and I would have made it through all this without help from our friends and family so thank you! We still have some ups and downs with check-ups and such, but we're feeling pretty good about now!!

Pictures and Uno Mas!

I have a before and after, sort of. The first picture is from Cannon's birthday party, the end of January. Notice first the cute kid in the red chair. That would be the can man. Then notice the shiny bald head next to him. The lack of eyebrows and eyelashes is not a cool photo shop thing, that's how bare my face was. Pretty sweet. The next two pictures are from today. Not only is there color on my face, but Hair! Eyebrows! Eyelashes! Oh no! The last picture is Max actually letting me take his picture. It doesn't happen often. I can't believe how big these guys are. I look at pictures from June and Max looks so different now, crazy.

I have ONE MORE!! Monday is the very last one. Holy cow. This week the fatigue definitely caught up with me. I have aches and pains and I'm exhausted. I can't believe that we're actually at the end of this. So long ago Brent and I would look toward spring break as a "done by then" thing, and its here. Unbelievable.

I have an appointment to get the port out on March 17th. Its an office visit. I'm a little freaked out with how that process goes, but I guess we'll see. They'll have to cut into me, and I know its sewn into a vein, so I'm a little unnerved about that. I'm thrilled to get it out, but yikes. I'm guessing Brent won't make it through that without passing out. The surgeon takes it out, and I haven't seen him since the day before chemo #1, so it'll be nice to see him again. Some people don't recognize me if they haven't seen me in a while. Apparently I look quite different with no hair. :)

THREE LEFT!!!!

Wow, in the single digits and counting. I am exhausted, but the light at the end of the tunnel is incredibly bright. They say it will take me 2 to 3 months before my energy level is totally back to normal. I'm thinking the adrenaline rush of being done with "treatment" may speed up that process!! The area where my tumor was is a little achy from time to time. The doctor told me yesterday that that is normal considering they're hitting that area pretty hard with radiation. Its natural for it to be inflamed, apparently. The doctor also said that she doesn't think the area under my arm is going to get any worse, it should start to heal from here. What will I have to talk about after all of this? I'm running out of time to play my cancer card for sympathy. Maybe I should shave my head again just for pity. My eyebrows are in, my eyelashes are almost all the way in, I have hair laying flat on most of my head. I kind of feel like Pinocchio, "I'm a real girl!" Ha ha

Oregonian

Its never fun to see those you care about in pain. Its even worse when there's very little if anything that you can do to help or ease their pain. That's pretty much how Brent and I felt all weekend, and still feel. We went to my cousin's funeral which was, of course, horribly sad. Her kids are amazing and adorable and are handling it all as best they can. Her husband Dave is also amazing and is a great dad. All of her family is very close and they take good care of each other. I know they will all eventually be ok. It will take a lot of time, and a lot of hurt, but they will make it.

While in California with some of the Cannon clan, I was told numerous times that I look like a Cannon, and more specifically my cousin Jen. I have never been told this in my life, so I'm pretty sure the Cannon comparison is from the gray hair. My cousin Jen is one of the family that everytime we went to visit, I felt like I needed to dress a little nicer and look a lot better just to hang out with them. Now I care a little less, but I'll take it as a total compliment to look like her. :)

Yesterday on the way back we had two lay-overs. We first flew to Phoenix, where the airport had to be 90 degrees. I was dying. I'm pretty sure it was a giant hot flash because Brent was totally comfortable and no one around me seemed phased by the incredible heat wave that hit. I felt like sweat was beading up on my head and on my back, and my armpit was on fire. It was awesome. Anyway, I finally recovered in time to get on the plane and then fly to Vegas. Great. The airport was cool enough, but the plane to Portland was cramped, and hot. By the time we finally got off the plane in Portland, I was thrilled to see cold, rainy weather. I usually like warm weather, but apparently I have adapted to this rainy Willamette Valley stuff. I wanted to cry when I went outside into fresh air and rain I was so happy. Weird. I thought the hot flashes were going away, I was wrong.

I have five treatments left. Today was the last one that aimed at the larger area. I now have five final treatments that are targeted at my scar and the location of where the tumor was. These are outlined in a very high tech fashion. Its a drawing on my chest using a sharpie. The drawing faded while we were gone this weekend, so I had to call the radiation people. Brent and I had to buy a sharpie and re-trace to make sure it didn't disappear.

Shock

My armpit is dark red, purple, and blackish in parts. It hurts and feels like the skin is stretching, but its not bad. I haven't written anything in a while because I'm in shock. Monday we found out that my cousin passed away. Out of nowhere. She was 38, married and has 3 kids. She went to the doctor at 10 in the morning or so because she'd been sick for a while and by 3:30 she was gone. She had complications due to pneumonia. Its rare, and seems more like a freak accident. Brent and I are headed to southern California for the funeral, which will hopefully be somewhat healing for us, but mainly for her husband, children, parents, siblings, and friends.