Early Halloween

We had an early Halloween trial run. Debbie made Max's Halloween costume, and when he saw it, he actually wanted to put it on, and wore it for a few hours. And, he let us take his picture. Well, he let Smama Debbie take his picture. He posed and everything. For those of you that don't know Max, these things don't just happen. We went ahead and dressed up Cannon as well in case on Friday Max refuses to wear the hat, or requires a sucker bribe to get his picture taken. More chemo Friday as well. I'm hoping to not get sick until after trick or treating, but if it doesn't work out, then at least I have a picture. :)
We were also visited this weekend by Grandma Milly and Uncle Dennis who loaded us with food from the family farm. It was great to see them, and Max was especially impressed when he heard that Dennis and Milly have tractors and cows. Sold, he likes them.
I haven't written anything in a while because I feel like its all the same. Good week, bad week, waiting for it to be over. I love feeling good, I dread going back. I have shaved my head. Razor shaved it. I did it a while ago, but apparently forgot to mention it. I don't mind having no hair. I like wearing hats, and I hear "you have a good shaped head" a lot. That's a compliment I never thought I'd be getting. I get cold a lot, but that's not a new thing. If I don't have a hat on, I feel like there's a constant breeze on my scalp. Some of it seems to have started growing back, but only in patches. I could have a really sweet mullet. Ok, maybe not a mullet, but a weird patchy thing going on anyway. Classy. Oddly enough my leg hair has not stopped growing. I'm incredibly annoyed by this one. I don't feel like I should have to shave my legs at this point. Hair falls out on my head, and is growing on my legs. Shouldn't this be something most men are concerned about like after 50 or something? Not a 30 year old (almost 31! holy crap!) female. If it starts growing in my ears, or in my nostrils at an alarming rate, then I don't know what I'll do.
After Friday I should be halfway done. This means cocktail #1 is done. I've had adriamycin and cytoxan (those are close, probably not exactly right), for the last 3 treatments, and the last one Friday. The next four doses are T something. I have it written down, I don't remember what it is. When I actually start getting it, then I'll probably remember what it is. Only one drug, I have hopes that it'll be easier, but everyone that I talk to tells me that it all was the same as far as how their body handled it. Fun. I'm stoked.
I meet with the radiation doctor on Tuesday morning. I'm starting to get more curious about what that's all about. I am mainly excited for the four weeks I have in between chemo and radiation. I'll bet I feel like a million bucks! :)
I see Christmas decorations everywhere. Its early for all of that stuff, but it makes me think Christmas is right around the corner and chemo will be close to done by then... Bring on the Christmas music Lisa!
Brent got a card in the mail that says "When people care for you they can straighten out your soul." I love that. Thanks.

Five Left

Chemo number three is done. It seems like I should be much farther along in all of this than I am. There are still five more of those suckers to go. Crap! They give me an anti-nausea before chemo through my port that is supposed to be good for five days. Right... like my little puker self will be good for that long. Last time it worked for about 12 hours, this time it worked for about 3. I should have taken some of my pills for nausea right after leaving the clinic, then I may have been ok, but I didn't take them until I was already nauseous and by then its too late. Its a fun little guessing game of when are you going to puke and when are you not. I was sick on the way home, and got to pull over once. That was a definite low point. Drugs started kicking in last night, so I slept good. Today I feel ok. I'm a little queasy, but haven't been sick, and I've been able to eat. I'll probably have to go get ice cream later just because that makes everything better. :) I'm tired today, but part of that is from the nausea stuff too. I don't feel as loopy and light headed this time. I don't know if its because I had three weeks in between or not, but its better. My next dose is scheduled for Halloween. I really want to be able to take Max the cowboy and Cannon the monster trick or treating, but we'll see how it goes.
I went in for a immune booster shot thing today. I had one after the first chemo, and the actual shot hurt like hell. I'm fairly certain the nurse got a running start from the other side of the room, jammed it in, and left laughing. The one today was heavenly. It was an older lady and she was much gentler, not painful at all. It basically helps my white blood cell count so it'll be in the right range for the next one.
A friend of mine had someone come in to clean our house Thursday. I was a little apprehensive to let others see how much dirt is really here, but wow it was amazing to come home to. Of course, now Brent & my dad are tearing apart the entryway to re-tile so there's dust everywhere. The clean was fun while it lasted. :) Anyway, the little chunk is crying, have a good weekend!!

Nothing New

I have nothing interesting to say, and its probably questionable whether I ever have anything interesting to say, but there's nothing new in my little cancer chemo world. Breast cancer awareness month means everywhere I look there is pink stuff. Its amazing the things they make that are pink. Its great that proceeds go towards research, but holy cow. M&Ms, pink cream cheese, chip clips, etc. One of the chemo nurses was telling me that she went out with some friends and there were pink napkins at the bar. Naturally, working where she does, she assumes they are for breast cancer awareness month. They weren't, they were leftover from some wedding. So all night her friends were making fun of her as if everything pink was for that reason. "Look, there's a pink invoice, it must be for breast cancer awareness!"
My cold is almost totally gone. I feel really good. Now that I'm in week three post chemo, I'm realizing that even when I thought I was feeling good, it wasn't as good as normal. I have so much energy when I'm not being poisoned. I know, shocking. :)Its fun to feel up to running with Max in the backyard, and rolling around on the ground with both little dudes. When I started this whole ordeal I remember someone trying to reassure me and saying "a year from now, you'll be done, and totally fine." All I could think was "a year!!?? Are you serious, a whole year!?" Yup, about a year. You get to read about every detail of my life for a whole year. Lucky you!

Chemo Delayed

I showed up, they tested my blood, white blood cell count was good, but I have the makings of a sinus infection. I felt horrible while I was there, the entire right side of my face was pounding, nose running, eye watering, flattering and beautiful. :) Anyway, because of this, the oncologist was concerned that they'd give me the chemo and I'd go home feeling even worse. So, its delayed to next Friday. My first reaction was to cry. I'm really getting tired of crying in public, I never used to be a crier. Anyway, I came home, took over the counter drugs, slept and am feeling much more rational now. Amazing how much of a difference that whole sleep factor makes. I didn't want to have to move back my end date of December 19th, but what are you going to do? If I look at the every other week from next Friday, then that sucks for Thanksgiving and Christmas because I would have treatment the day after both. However, the oncologist said I can move back another one when Thanksgiving gets here if that's important to me. It is, so that was releiving.
I don't know what the date is that I'll be done now, and I'm trying to not figure it out. I need to learn that me trying to plan what's going to happen in my future as far as my health isn't going to work out. I can't get stuck on dates, I'll be disappointed every time.
I'm frustrated, but for the most part, I'm excited to have another week of feeling good. Once this sinus business goes away, I can have another week to feel human.

Lint Roller

Max was intrigued by the bald head.
"Mommmy's hair all gone?"
"yeah, kinda funny, huh?"
"Max touch it... kinda pokey... kinda ouchy..."
I cried. Not a sad cry, just a nice moment.

I'm almost caught up on stuff, so it must be time for more poisonings. Friday! yay! After this one I'll be down to one hand as Jenn says. I'm really ready to be done with all of it, but that seems to be a ways off. Oh well.
My head itches. My coworkers and Brent are telling me I need to "bic it." I have this extreme fear of cutting my head open. I read one woman venting somewhere about wanting to use a lint roller on her head. We tried it. It was funny, and it got a lot of hair, but sort of an unending deal. We could have rolled until either hair was gone, or the lint roller was done, but it seemed tedious. I'm really glad I buzzed it at least. I wouldn't want this much long hair falling all over the place. I'm kind of grossed out by the little 1/2 inch hairs as it is.
Sam & Debbie are coming to help take care of the little guys this weekend. My parents are coming Sunday night so my dad will work Monday & either half of Tuesday or all day. Students are getting used to Mr. Sime. One kid asked if the picture in my room of Albert Einstein was my dad. Really!? I told him my dad would be incredibly flattered, but no. I then told him to google Albert Einstein and wrote it down for him so he'd spell it right. :) Other kids in class laughed, but I'm pretty sure they didn't know either. Another student in spanish class saw a picture of Jerry Garcia and asked if that was Mrs. Klumph's sub. Again, flattering, but no. :)

Getting smarter?

I tell people this blog thing is pretty therapeutic. I don't know if its the venting part of things, or the fact that I can put anything on here and I have this huge support group of people telling me its perfect. Hmmm... I could get used to this. I told Brent that my inner princess was coming out. He didn't seem to think it had far to go...
I have felt great again this weekend. It seems to be about a week (maybe slightly less) that I feel crummy. So I guess I get a week on and a week off. Six more weeks of feeling crummy (is that like the groundhog?) doesn't sound appealing, but what're you going to do? Brent pointed out that its not like we have a choice in the matter. Its just how it has to be. So, ok. Sitting and whining about it hasn't gotten me far in the past, so just deal with it and accept it and focus on the good weeks.
A coworker asked me what I learned this week. (Totally teacher-y) I like this because it gives me something else to think about, but also it reminds me of Grandma Madge. She took care of Amos & I for a week one time, and everyday was "what did you learn today?" Annoying at the time, but cool in retrospect, and totally Grandma. I'm obviously not one to research any of the cancer stuff that most people do, or the drugs they inject in me. However, I learned the first round to stop doing too much when I'm not ready. Easier said than done for me. This time I think I better figured out the nausea (still got sick, but improving), and like I said last time, focus on tomorrow, because it will be better. The Saturday after "treatment" is the worst day, so especially that day. Open the blinds, force myself to pretend I'm actually among the living, and wait for Sunday. :)
Right now, I feel great, and I'm excited to have this week to feel good. I go into over-achiever mode this week to try to catch up from last week. Nightime book reading with little dudes goes from five or ten minutes to thirty, grading actually gets done, and Brent doesn't have to clean everything. I know, don't overdo it, relax, enjoy your kids, I know, I will, I promise!