Surprise!

Cannon does surprised way better than I do. I was totally surprised, and totally embarrassed. For those of you who didn't know, (and I'm guessing by cards, texts, letters, calls, most of you already know), but Sam threw me a surprise "no more cancer" party. Planned it all, made invitations, the whole deal. She's amazing. I am very, very, flattered and humbled by how many of you have been so helpful and supportive. I can't believe how many of you drove all the way to Portland for us. Thank you. More tears of joy when I think about it. I really wish I could have sat and talked with everyone there, but it didn't seem to work out that way. I would try to express how much I love and care for all of you, but I'm not very good at the sentimental, the sarcasm is more my comfort zone.

People keep asking me if I'll keep up the blog now that the cancer stuff is done. I don't know. I don't know that my life is very eventful. It sounds like a lot of pressure to keep you all entertained. :) I have a few more check ups and one more surgery, so I'll at least keep venting until then.

THANK YOU SAM!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT MEANT TO ME.

Kid pics

I don't realize how much Cannon understands. I had a scarf on to go to school the other day, so Max wanted a scarf. So he grabs one, and as I'm putting it on Max, Cannon walks over and gets himself one too. Put Cannon's scarf on, tell Max to go get his coat. As I put Max's coat on, Cannon brings me his coat. Holy crap, I have two genius children who can totally take care of themselves, but will scam me into doing everything for them. Brilliant!



For some reason, when I put pictures on here, they all end up at the top, but I'll try to space them out again. Cannon has a look that he gets on his face that we call "the furrowed brow." Its sort of a "what the hell is the matter with you look." Brent got a good picture of it the other day.




We had a birthday party for Max because he's turning three this week. He had a great day. Joy (our phenomenal babysitter and friend) started telling Max that he couldn't wear diapers anymore once he turned three because it was illegal. Between that and my mom refusing to put a diaper on him, Max is now a potty kid. I don't know if I'm happier to be cancer free or to have Max use the toilet. :) We took a picture of him sitting on it, which made him really mad, someday he'll hate us for things like this. This is a picture of Max with his cake that Debbie made. He's staring at people singing to him a little unsure of how to handle it. :)



The port removal spot is a little sore still, but not bad. I took a nap today, did some weeding, went for a walk with the fam, had a normal day. It was awesome!
Here are Max, Cannon and I reading a book. What a cool life I have.

Yeeee!

I was in the regular office for the "procedure," but I was in the back creepy room. I walk in to a room that has the windows boarded up, a dental chair, and all the tools laid out ready to go. Seeing this is not comforting. I got a little shaky to be honest, and the shaky didn't really stop until about an hour after I left.
The during wasn't painful, and the assistant, who I love, totally distracted me by talking about anything and everything. It was helpful, but when you can see the "thread" being tightened about two feet above you, its kind of hard to ignore. Why that much thread was required, I have no idea. The doctor cut out the old scar since it was huge. He is hoping that the new scar will form better since my body isn't going through chemo, I should be more prepared to handle it. When the numbing stuff wore off I was definitely sore last night. I took some good drugs and went to bed early. I feel much better today, but still definitely achy. I again am not supposed to lift my kids, throw a softball, or swing a bat. I suppose I should have thought of this before I got it taken out, but I stupidly thought I would be fine. I wish they would have realized that I am an idiot when they scheduled it and talked to me more about what I wouldn't be able to do after the fact. I started helping the JV softball coach on Monday, then Tuesday I got to show up and tell her I can't really do anything. How helpful am I!?
The good news, the very good news is that ITS OUT! One more thing to cross of the list.

Reality

Back to reality! Brent and I had a great weekend, but of course forgot the camera... Gifted. Its usually Brent that actually remembers things like that, so I'm going to blame him. He'll love that. There were some beautiful days and views of mountains, water, etc. you'll just have to trust me. We had great food, did get to sleep in, and tried some Port Townsend beer that was great. It was a lot of time in the car, but we're used to that, so it was fun. Oh, we went to Port Townsend by the way. Its about a 35-40 minutes ferry ride from Seattle. Very relaxing, quiet little place. It was perfect for us.

I get the port yanked tomorrow. I'm tempted to do an online search and what comes up when I look for "port yanked," but I'm afraid of what I'll find. I'm sure it will not end up being a big deal, but it freaks me out. I had to be knocked out to put it in, a whole other surgery, etc. Now, to take it out, its an in-office deal!? Nobody has to drive me home, so there aren't enough drugs to calm me down... Oh geez. I picture blood squirting everywhere, the doctor laughing, and me sitting with my eyes closed waiting for it all to be over. I have a slight (major) tendency to over-react so I'm sure I'll be laughing at myself tomorrow night, but until then, I'm a little on edge. I'll be thrilled when its out though, it irritates the crap out of me. Some people leave them in forever. They love them. I don't get those people.

Brent

So there's this kid that I live with by the name of Brent. He and I have been basically co-existing for the last 6 months. Maybe you've heard of him? People tell me he's a nice guy...

Brent and I are going on a trip this weekend and thanks to the fabulous parents that I have, we are ditching the little dudes. We're not totally sure where we're headed, probably farther than originally planned because this Brent kid likes to drive. We have also been deemed "road whores." I'm excited to get to know this "Brent" character. I plan to sleep in, drink coffee, read a newspaper, and probably drink a beer or margarita or two.

WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!

I cried when I left the doctor's office yesterday. Total happy cry, and cry of relief, whatever, but it was awesome. I literally skipped to my last appointment. Brent met me in the waiting room with flowers, because he's wonderful and thoughtful. I still have appointments, final things to be done, but the big stuff is done!!!!!!! The "treatments" that are horrible for your body, (but that kill cancer) are done. The doctor warned me that my energy would not necessarily come back overnight. There are people who feel the worst the two weeks after their last dose. I don't care, I'm done.
I told Max and Cannon that I didn't have to go to any more doctors appointments for a while and that I was all better. Max said "so you can race now? and wrestle?" Cannon pointed out the window and said "dah?" Ha ha.
Without sounding too much like an Oscar acceptance speech... there's no way Brent and I would have made it through all this without help from our friends and family so thank you! We still have some ups and downs with check-ups and such, but we're feeling pretty good about now!!

Pictures and Uno Mas!

I have a before and after, sort of. The first picture is from Cannon's birthday party, the end of January. Notice first the cute kid in the red chair. That would be the can man. Then notice the shiny bald head next to him. The lack of eyebrows and eyelashes is not a cool photo shop thing, that's how bare my face was. Pretty sweet. The next two pictures are from today. Not only is there color on my face, but Hair! Eyebrows! Eyelashes! Oh no! The last picture is Max actually letting me take his picture. It doesn't happen often. I can't believe how big these guys are. I look at pictures from June and Max looks so different now, crazy.

I have ONE MORE!! Monday is the very last one. Holy cow. This week the fatigue definitely caught up with me. I have aches and pains and I'm exhausted. I can't believe that we're actually at the end of this. So long ago Brent and I would look toward spring break as a "done by then" thing, and its here. Unbelievable.

I have an appointment to get the port out on March 17th. Its an office visit. I'm a little freaked out with how that process goes, but I guess we'll see. They'll have to cut into me, and I know its sewn into a vein, so I'm a little unnerved about that. I'm thrilled to get it out, but yikes. I'm guessing Brent won't make it through that without passing out. The surgeon takes it out, and I haven't seen him since the day before chemo #1, so it'll be nice to see him again. Some people don't recognize me if they haven't seen me in a while. Apparently I look quite different with no hair. :)

THREE LEFT!!!!

Wow, in the single digits and counting. I am exhausted, but the light at the end of the tunnel is incredibly bright. They say it will take me 2 to 3 months before my energy level is totally back to normal. I'm thinking the adrenaline rush of being done with "treatment" may speed up that process!! The area where my tumor was is a little achy from time to time. The doctor told me yesterday that that is normal considering they're hitting that area pretty hard with radiation. Its natural for it to be inflamed, apparently. The doctor also said that she doesn't think the area under my arm is going to get any worse, it should start to heal from here. What will I have to talk about after all of this? I'm running out of time to play my cancer card for sympathy. Maybe I should shave my head again just for pity. My eyebrows are in, my eyelashes are almost all the way in, I have hair laying flat on most of my head. I kind of feel like Pinocchio, "I'm a real girl!" Ha ha

Oregonian

Its never fun to see those you care about in pain. Its even worse when there's very little if anything that you can do to help or ease their pain. That's pretty much how Brent and I felt all weekend, and still feel. We went to my cousin's funeral which was, of course, horribly sad. Her kids are amazing and adorable and are handling it all as best they can. Her husband Dave is also amazing and is a great dad. All of her family is very close and they take good care of each other. I know they will all eventually be ok. It will take a lot of time, and a lot of hurt, but they will make it.

While in California with some of the Cannon clan, I was told numerous times that I look like a Cannon, and more specifically my cousin Jen. I have never been told this in my life, so I'm pretty sure the Cannon comparison is from the gray hair. My cousin Jen is one of the family that everytime we went to visit, I felt like I needed to dress a little nicer and look a lot better just to hang out with them. Now I care a little less, but I'll take it as a total compliment to look like her. :)

Yesterday on the way back we had two lay-overs. We first flew to Phoenix, where the airport had to be 90 degrees. I was dying. I'm pretty sure it was a giant hot flash because Brent was totally comfortable and no one around me seemed phased by the incredible heat wave that hit. I felt like sweat was beading up on my head and on my back, and my armpit was on fire. It was awesome. Anyway, I finally recovered in time to get on the plane and then fly to Vegas. Great. The airport was cool enough, but the plane to Portland was cramped, and hot. By the time we finally got off the plane in Portland, I was thrilled to see cold, rainy weather. I usually like warm weather, but apparently I have adapted to this rainy Willamette Valley stuff. I wanted to cry when I went outside into fresh air and rain I was so happy. Weird. I thought the hot flashes were going away, I was wrong.

I have five treatments left. Today was the last one that aimed at the larger area. I now have five final treatments that are targeted at my scar and the location of where the tumor was. These are outlined in a very high tech fashion. Its a drawing on my chest using a sharpie. The drawing faded while we were gone this weekend, so I had to call the radiation people. Brent and I had to buy a sharpie and re-trace to make sure it didn't disappear.