Closure

Even if its just Jenn & Bob that read this, Rick says it needs closure, and I agree. It feels weird to write on this blog because I feel like it should just be about cancer, and that's not something I want to think about or write about all the time anymore. There are still little things that stop me in my tracks and make me wonder if that's just a regular pain or a cancer pain, but they are becoming fewer and farther between. I hated the day that I realized that cancer has a whole new meaning. Its never something that's going to completely go away. It's going to be a constant thought in the back of my head somewhere. That still frustrates me, but it gets easier. Most days I'm completely confident that I'm fine and some days I don't think about it at all. Progress, right?
I wish there was a way I could thank everyone that helped and still helps us. I'll never be able to properly "repay" anyone. If I could afford to, I'd buy Brent a house on a river somewhere, my dad the porsche 911 he's always wanted, spend a day (or a week?) at the spa and shopping with my mom, buy a few more dozen horses for my Aunt Linda, pay off Rick & Debbie's new boat, just give out money or something... :) I know all they really want is for me to be ok, they don't want to be given anything, but I still wish I could.
I take tamoxifen for the next four years. It creates some pretty intense mood swings. Maybe they were there before, now I just have another excuse. :) I don't have hot flashes hardly ever, so that's nice. There are some other minor side effects, but they're minimal. I see my oncologist every 3 months where she checks for tumors, feels me up a bit, that sort of thing. :) She always has new information and recent studies she's read and calls on Sundays from her home phone if she needs to. She works way too hard, and I feel very lucky that she does.
Overall, life is great. Max & Cannon are hilarious. Cannon will be two at the end of this month and Max will be four soon. We all had a great Christmas at my Aunt's house, and at Rick & Debbie's house. I loved getting to hang out with my nephews, they're wonderful with Max & Cannon. The first time I saw Drew (who is 6) after I started growing hair last summer, he just stared at me. He was trying really hard to listen to what I was saying, but he kept looking up at my head. I finally figured it out. I said "do you want me to take my hat off so you can see that there's hair there?" He smiled and said "yeah." Then he and Tanner asked me how long until my hair looked like girls hair again. Ha ha, I love them. But, I'm not going to have girls hair again guys, I like it short.
So, Jenn also says I should post some pictures.



Max & Cannon and I at the zoo. We packed a lot of fun into our summer.



Race for the Cure in September with two of my favorite people in the world, even though I rarely get to see them, Lisa & Lauren.



One of my students walked in the Race for the Cure as well, and wrote this to wear in the race. It was the first cry of the day...



This is Max's pre-school field trip to the pumpkin patch in October



Our family, and I love saying that. I don't wear this hat often anymore because I wore it so much last year, now when I see pictures I feel like I still look sick.



Most of the SunRiver group (minus Ryan, Amy, & Ava) waiting for Santa Claus to fly in.



This is Max & Cannon and their cousins, Conner, Tanner, & Drew



We haven't uploaded Christmas pics to the computer yet, so that's about all we've got. Maybe I'll start another blog that's less cancer-y. :)

Thanks