This week back at work has been interesting. I started Monday with so much adrenaline and excitement I think I wore myself out for the rest of the week. I have some weepy teary business that has set in that is impressive. Emotions are crazy powerful things! I have moments where I want to cry that come out of nowhere and I don't know why. If I'm home I just go for it and usually after about 20 minutes I'm good again. Since I'm working I'm more tired so the crying happens more often. Tuesday night I was literally sitting on the couch bawling until about midnight. It wasn't fun, but at the same time I was fascinated. Obviously I have some stress in my life, but it really didn't feel like I had a reason for the tears, they just kept coming. Totally dehydrating! I'm not looking for sympathy here, just trying to paint a clear picture of irrationality.
Today in the middle of some stimulating staff development stuff I suddenly felt panicked and wanted to hide and cry. I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down and made it to lunch. I had some tears off and on all afternoon and just felt sad and overwhelmed. Tonight I just let it all go, brought in some thick Kleenex, and some water to hydrate and just let it happen. I feel so much better! I can't believe how fast this changes! I literally feel great now that my intricate makeup is smeared and there are streaks of snot across my face. Apparently I can hold it in only for so long and then my Grandma Madge proves that she's right once again. "Honey, just cry! It will make you feel better."
Brent's ok with the crying mostly. He tries to make me laugh, which sometimes works, but a guy can't be that funny all the time. He took the kids for dinner and let me recover in peace which is perfect.
For those of you that are waiting with the video cameras, I think it just got interesting.
2 comments:
Wow, Mo!
Ah, yes...These were all such valid reasons for me to cry in our current state of world affairs: the national anthem, Hallmark card commercials, the Budweiser Clydesdales. I would berate myself for being so shallow and then remember..."it's the hormones, stupid!"
I love your ability to reflect on this process.
I took solace from the scene in "Broadcast News" when Holly Hunter would just publicly bawl for her 90 seconds, in front of co-workers, God and everyone, and be "done with it" for the day. Seemed so wise to not hide, stuff, stifle, and just go with it...
Who knows when this will stabilize? I thought of those hormonal moments like labor..."I made it through that one and I never have to do that one again!" Whew...
xxo,
kk
PS I am usually up at midnight...just call and we can cry about it...:)
Words of comfort>>>Hmm let me see>>>don't want to make it worse!!!! Been there done that! HMMM Oh yes "Donna and I Love you"! >>All of you and all of you family!
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