Sick! (But it's not cancer)

I am usually a pretty healthy person. Since my second or third year of teaching I have built up a pretty good immune system to the little sweethearts germs. This year, however, I seem to be germ central. It's irritating. I have had a cold for over a week. Every day I wake up and think "it's getting better! It should be gone in another day..." Yeah, that hasn't worked out, it's still here. It makes me angry. I've been so freaking healthy! I haven't had any alcohol, I exercise regularly, I get about 8 hours of sleep, and I'm really careful about what I eat. This is just stupid.

I tell people that I haven't seen in a while that I'm sick, but it's not because of cancer. I feel the need to include that disclaimer in case they wonder. I told Dr. Lee that when I cough I imagine the cancer cells growing and having a party. I asked her if that was likely. She laughed and said no. Part of her job at NYU was to grow cancer cells and inject them into mice to test out different drugs. She said she came in disappointed pretty regularly because the cancer cells were so hard to grow. My friend Chris said she would think of it as coughing out the cancer cells. Wouldn't that be cool!?

Anyway, overall I'm great. I have regular germs and regular colds just like non-cancery people. I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow. :)

The details

The numbers are unchanged from July. Unchanged means the drug is working!!!!!

The protein markers in my blood are what started this whole shebang in May. The numbers were at 29 in December, and went up to 46 ish in May and June. They are not incredibly accurate in their information. Some oncologists don't even use them because they can give false positive results. In my case, the positive results were positive. Irritating, but good to know a simple blood test will tell us where we're at. After surgery the number was 38, Monday the number was 45. They can vary some depending on diet and stress. I'm guessing my anxiety ridden Monday created some extra stuff, but who knows if that's accurate.

The drug that I take (Arimidex) is considered to be successful if it does one of three things: eliminates cancer altogether, drops the numbers, or leaves the numbers unchanged. My numbers are unchanged, hence success!! It's still early to tell, it's only been 2 months of taking the drug, and it will take a while to really get going. I would love it if the numbers start dropping, but I can have numbers at 45 forever and be just fine with that too!! The next blood draw is in another 2 months. If all is normal at that point, we go another 2 months and have a CT scan. (That puts us into March). The CT scan at this point would be pointless because it's so close to the last one there would be little change.

I was hoping today that the numbers would be smaller, so I was initially a little disappointed. By the time I left Dr. Lee's office though, I was a bit peppy. The drugs are working, working, working, whee!! Dr. Lee was also pointing out that there are tons of options out there for treating this stuff. Breast cancer is the one to have because there is so much stuff out there and new things happening every day. If this drug doesn't work, she listed at least three others that we could try next if need be.

Dr. Lee's reasoning: At least you're not diabetic! Those poor people have to inject themselves 2-3 times a day! You just have to take a pill and you're fine! We will work together to make sure I'm fine for a very long time.

She was surprised I didn't have more menopausal side effects. She said she expected to walk in to see me red faced and sweating and angry. I have some, but they are minimal and totally do-able. I have the headache thing to figure out, but I'm working on it.

Overall, things are looking good, and I'm thrilled!!!!!

Thank you for your support and thoughts and kind words today. I have beautiful flowers on my desk and messages of love and support all over the place. Everything is rosy. :)

GOOD NEWS

I'll post more later when I'm not sitting in the parking lot in my car on my phone, but... Numbers are unchanged which is good news! Last year in 5 months tumor marker went from 29 to 45. Test now are still at 45, unchanged. This means the drugs are working!!

Wednesday is the big day.

Tomorrow I meet with Dr Lee to see if all of this is actually working. I had a blood draw yesterday, they'll share the numbers with me at the appointment tomorrow. 

I have a daily affirmation thing that I read every day. It's a little like Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, but it makes me feel better and is therefore worthwhile. I feel like so much of this is getting my head into the right frame of mind. The affirmations give me one thing to focus on everyday and it seems calming. 

Yesterday I had to schedule the blood draw and for some reason that sent me into anxiety mode. I cried a bit in front of my class for the first time in 12 years. I felt much better after it was all done, and now feel ready for my appointment tomorrow. I guess I had to get it out.

I visualize frequently that the meds are working, that eating better is working, that exercising is working... I visualize and focus on total health. I am ready tomorrow to confirm that it's working. That doesn't guarantee another breakdown won't happen, but I can handle those.

I look around my messy house, and my scattered desk, and I think about my amazing family and friends and I think... Life is sooo good right now, I don't want anything to change. I realize life is all change and my kids will grow up, and my family and friends lives will change... I will adapt as I need to, but wow... I have it pretty good right now.

For those of you that pray, that send positive energy or white light or whatever works for you... Tomorrow we'll find out it's working!!