Relay for Life

    I have avoided cancer fund raising events for a few years now. I did the Susan Komen walk in 2008(?) and I don't think I've been to one since. It wasn't a bad experience at all, actually it was fun to be with my friends. However, throughout the event everywhere you look there are reminders of those that didn't make it. There are in memoriam t-shirts and signs all over the place. Human nature tends to focus on the negative, and for some reason that's what I focused on for a while. I didn't focus on the thousands of survivors that I was surrounded by that were walking with me, but those faces and names on t-shirts took the wind out of me. 

   I have signed up for a Relay for Life even at the end of July in Central Oregon. The same group of friends invited me, which was the first incentive to want to do it.  The second incentive was the ad campaign on tv that says "Help us END the fight for cancer." Or end the walk, or end the something. The "END" is what made me smile.  This is ridiculous that it is something that is so wide spread and we can't figure out a way to stop it. How is it possible that there isn't enough money to research and treat this when it effects so many people of so many ages. There has to be an end in sight, and I am excited by the fact that I hear more people talking about survival rates rather than death rates, and more people seeing it as a chronic condition rather than an end of life timeline.

   There are luminary to decorate and put at the side of the track as I'm sure you well know. My name will be on one. My first reaction was "I like to pretend I don't have cancer." Well, that would be a nice world of denial, but that's not what I meant. There are finally times when I don't think about my diagnosis all the time. In between scan days I feel like a normal human. I go to baseball games with the kids, I get haircuts, I get regular colds, and I do all the normal things that everyone else does. To those that see me everyday I'm not the cancer patient that they have to worry about, I'm just Mo (or Melissa) and we talk about normal things. That's all I really want. To be that normal me. People that I don't see as often I know they love me and I know they care, and I love that. However, when I get a "how are you" with a look of concern in their eyes, I'm forced out of my normal life into the life of that person with cancer. When I walk the track with a luminary with my name on it, my brain puts me out of "normal" life. I know it is entirely me. I am well aware that I make this a bigger deal than it needs to be. I am learning to deal with the process, and learning to look at the luminaries. I will look at those that are gone and feel their family's loss, I'll blink back some tears, and then I will look at all the ones that are walking with me that also have their names on a bag. I will focus on those and smile. 

    Please continue to ask me how I'm doing. I love that. I love reminders that I am supported and loved. Just please know that I may not give you a cancer-y update. It will probably consist of things like summer activities, camping trips, whatever injury Cannon has at that time, whichever book Max is reading, that sort of thing. I am GREAT!!!

   I have an appointment for a kidney stone gig on July 8th. My kidney function is totally normal and healthy, but when they look at scans they can't figure out where my ureter is draining. Their guesses are that it's kinked, or has some scar tissue that is blocking a regular flow. Because of my cancer - y- ness they need to explore the possibility that there is something blocking that will need to be biopsied. They need to make sure. Because my kidney function is normal, they said it would be very unlikely that it will be anything to worry about. They will probably end up putting in a stint, which I hear feels really good (immense sarcasm), and they will blast my existing stonehenge like the 4th of July fireworks. :) 

   After that I have another regular scan and appointment with my oncologist at the end of July. I feel great, all is going well and just plugging along normally. I visualize that appointment as a positive one and receiving reassuring information from the doc. 

   If you would like to donate to the Relay for Life, feel free to e-mail me and I will figure out how that works. :) We are the Holy Walkamolies… I am certain I spelled that wrong, but Donna Mohan came up with that awesome team name. You can't have a bad experience with a name like that!! Knowing her, we'll dance around that track...