We've moved to TV!!

My parents were interviewed by the Bend local news. I'll again attempt a link, but if it doesn't work, then copy and paste. It turned out good, I cried. For the fourth time in three days. I'm on a roll.
I feel really good today. As long as I take it easy, I'll feel good tomorrow too. Jerrad, Jenn, & Sam went to the aquarium with Drew, Tanner & Conner and took Max. I wanted to go, but I was afraid I'd end up overdoing it and feeling crummy tonight or tomorrow. I was bummed, but I'll live. Its the last time I'll have to think about that part of things!!
So I woke up this morning to a call from Good Morning America. That was trippy. They want to talk to my dad and I and possibly have our interviews on TV. Ha ha ha. I'm supposed to hear from the guy again today, so I'll let you know if any of it actually pans out. Lisa says my dad was meant for the stage, he says when the camera crew from Bend was in their house he was like "uh..." and mom talked and made sense. Hard to imagine my dad at a loss for words...
Ok, I don't know about the link, but I'm sure Randy & Nell or someone that is smarter than me can put the link to the story on one of the comments. (hint, hint, please)
Go to KTVZ.com and you'll see it on there.
I have the coolest parents. Total rock stars... I think its pretty cool that at the bottom of the article if you read it, rather than watch it, people have put comments and most of them are former students of my dad.

DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE

If I could do an exponent on the word done I would show how exponentially excited I am. :) How's that for math teacher-ese? I feel pretty good, a little out of it, but not bad. I don't have to ever have chemotherapy again... (probably and hopefully). The nurses in the chemo room are amazing. They work very hard to make you as comfortable as possible, and they did. They have DVDs you can watch, games you can play, popsicles, coffee they'll fresh brew, crackers, warm blankets, etc. And they're so nice. They remember my name, which is so nice to have knowing the number of people they deal with. They look you in the eye and ask how my kids are, and listen to stories I think are funny, they probably don't, but they laugh anyway. They were awesome. I will be happy to not see them for a while because it means I don't have to go there anymore, but I so appreciate their warmth.
A woman came in today while I was waiting to be done and she was crying. She went straight to a nurse (Robin) who dropped everything and gave her a hug. The woman was obviously really upset, and not being able to hear any of the conversation, I invented my own scenario for some reason. All of a sudden I was convinced that her husband had died, and I started crying. Good God, I didn't even know what was really going on, and I'm crying. I think it was just another reminder of the reality of cancer. I'm in my last chemo, I have my 76% (still wish that was higher), but its very real and very scary, and apparently this woman pushed me over the edge. Luckily, Brent walked in shortly after, and I recovered.
On an entertaining note, I don't know if you read Nell and Randy's comment on the last post (Big Time), but apparently our newspaper article is spreading. :) Pretty weird. Its somewhat embarrassing. The Bend news station actually went to my parents house and interviewed them. Who knew the fifteen minutes of fame would come from breast cancer!?
Christmas in Tillamook has been wonderful. I got a beautiful coat from Rick & Debbie that is bright and makes me feel colorful in spite of being so pale. We looked over old Christmas pictures and I started getting really excited to have hair again. For someone that never wanted to do their hair, that surprises me, but I'll be stoked. I used to tell people I had brown hair with gray highlights and judging by the fuzz on my head I think we're looking at gray with brown highlights. :) There are some brown suckers up there though!! I don't know how long they'll last, but I'm hoping they're fighters. Ha!
I am anxious to start radiation. I am more excited to have some time without doctors, but I'm ready to start and get it over with. I'm sure it'll get old and hectic, but I want to get going.
I also went to church yesterday here in Tillamook. I have never been a church person, but Pastor Peggy has been incredibly kind and I wanted to go see and listen to her. I got a big "hi Mo!" at the beginning. It was incredibly welcoming. Max got uncomfortable pretty early on, so he and Brent went to read books in the other room and Debbie and I listened. We both cried twice. She said a prayer for a number of people including myself, that was first cry, then she said some really nice things about teachers. Cry #2. For those of you that haven't known me my whole life, I don't cry. I used to make fun of Lisa for crying all the time. I now cry all the time. I like to think I'm developing much more compassion in all of this, and that's why I am more emotional, but maybe I'm just a wreck who can't get it under control. Grandma Madge used to tell me to just cry because it always makes you feel better. She was pretty smart, I'll go with that. I love you all (crap, that made me teary eyed again), thanks for all of your positive energy, I'll keep you posted on how the tattooing goes. Have a Happy New Year!! I may sleep through the ball dropping, but I am anxiously awaiting 2009.

Big Time

The Klumphs and the Simes have hit the big time. We were a cover story on Christmas Day for the Albany Democrat Herald. Pretty much the biggest paper in the world. It rivals the New York Times. Ha Ha. I'll put a link at the bottom to the article so you can check it out if you're bored and need something online to look at. It starts off with calling dad "short and jolly." Hee hee.
There's another little part in the actual paper, but not online that mentions the pink t-shirts that my Aunt Linda made. My favorite "pink t-shirt picture" was from the Mohans who took the shirts to Yellowstone. There were doctored pictures with buffalo and moose wearing the tie-dye. It was awesome. Anyway, Aunt Linda, Mohans and my student body-guard Logan got a shout-out in the paper too.
Our Christmas #1 is done, we were going to Aunt Linda's house, but the snow in Portland area made that rather difficult, so my parents and Amos came here. We had a great time. Santa came and ate some cookies, we played some serious board games, I had a few tom & jerry drinks, it was very relaxing. Brent dominated the board game world, enduring my dad and Amos's creative accusations. Those of you that know them can imagine. :)
We are headed to Tillamook this evening for Christmas #2. Tillamook Christmas is always just as relaxing and fun as Sime Christmas, and always involves more food. Mainly seafood. Brent and I will leave Max & Cannon in Tillamook on the 29th and come back to Corvallis for the day for CHEMOTHERAPY #8 aka THE LAST ONE. What I have to remember is that it takes a couple days (or more) to recover so its not really "done" until a few days after, but wow I'm excited!!!
I also met with a physical therapist this week to discuss exercises and stretches I can do to help with some lymph node cording in my armpit (I'd explain this, but its gross) and to reduce likeliness of lymphedema. The stretches feel really good, so that was interesting. I go back sometime the first week of January to see if its helping and maybe for additional stuff. I also go to the radiation master on January 5th. They'll tattoo me to mark where to aim the radiation treatment. I always kind of wanted a tattoo... Not exactly what I had in mind. Everybody that I talk to in the medical field in Corvallis says the radiation doctor is really good, so I feel pretty good about her. I'm ready to be done with the chemotherapy stage and move onto the next one. I am very excited for my hair to grow back. I look the sickest right now that I have through this whole ordeal. Eyebrow hair and eyelashes are nearly non-existent. It sucks. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and its not a positive reaction. I just don't like looking sick. I don't feel sick (most of the time) and I don't need a pity look from strangers because I now look sick. Oh well, there are worse things. Have a great New Year!!

Ok - I tried to get the link to the article, but I can't seem to make it happen. So, go to democratherald.com, then there's a place to search on the left side. Search in the archives for Klumph and the article should show up. "A caring equation in SH." Witty! Either that or there will be seven links listed below because I actually did know how to do it, and kept posting the link over and over and over again. Totally possible.

Blah blah blah

I didn't have a nap today. I'm a rebel. I have no aches and pains and I feel really good. My parents would both be telling me "don't push it" but I'm good. I can tell I am getting better when the thought of alcohol sounds good again. I am excited for Tom & Jerry's at Christmas time. If I was feeling crummy then the thought of them would make my stomach turn. It probably doesn't sound good that I judge my wellness on the thought of a seasonal drink, but oh well.
The more I near the end of chemotherapy, the more I think about the possibility of recurrence. Its a definite fear that I am hoping will enter my mind less and less as time goes on. That 76% just won't totally disappear from my memory...
I am very excited for Christmas with family. I keep trying to talk about Santa Clause with Max, but when I say things like "are you excited for Santa to come?" He says, "no." He's really good with no.

Snow Days

I was going to go back to work today, but school was cancelled for snow. Bummer, no work for me. We went and played in the snow yesterday, Max actually loved it and didn't complain about being cold. Cannon was just sort of fascinated and stared. When we put him inside with Grandpa though, and he could see everyone outside, then he was mad and wanted back out.
I'm feeling good today. Very few aches and pains, very little loopiness. I'll still need a nap, but I feel pretty good. I got a blanket for my birthday from my parents that I curl up in for nap time. Its dark red, and has sleeves and a sort of hood thing. It takes me a while to warm up, so I require a lot of blankets, but anyway, I totally look like the hare krishna. I should be standing at an airport handing out red flowers with messages of some sort attached. Peace be with you, now give me a dollar. Maybe that will be my back-up career if this whole teaching thing doesn't work out.
Anyway, here are pics of Max & Cannon just because I like them. This is Max in the snow yesterday, and Cannon with my hat on.

Uno Mas!!

I have one more!! I'm singing that line by the way. My stomach felt a little uneasy today, but I feel pretty good overall. Acupuncture helped a lot today, it was very relaxing and helped with my stomach and such. I also talked to the oncologist about drugs to take after radiation, (tamoxifen) and what it does, how it works. There were pictures and everything it was good stuff.
It is kind of nice to see a doctor regularly I am finding. Even things that are not related to cancer, there's a doctor there to ask and tell me its nothing, or check it out. I have had fluid in my ear on and off for a while, so she checked it out for me. Ever since I had that earwig crawl into my ear (sorry Lisa) I'm freaked out by anything in my ear. A littly hypersensitive you might say. :) I think I have good reason. Anyway, a nurse is going to clean it out for me tomorrow when I go back to get the immune booster shot thing. Apparently there's a nurse there that's really good at it. How you get really good at cleaning ears, I don't know. Seems like an odd thing to speacialize in, but hey, everyone has their random talents. I kick butt at minesweeper for instance. I am the greatest minesweeper player in the world. Its not going to make me a million dollars unfortunately, but sometimes someone is impressed by it.
Oh, so the drug, I take it for five years, starting after radiation. It can have "menopause like systems." Cool, I already have that from chemo therapy so more hot flashes and night sweats. I can live with that. My head actually just starting sweating, so here's another one! They're not bad and usually make me laugh, so its fine. Between three and six months after radiation I will go back for a bone scan and a CAT scan. If those are all clear, then I won't have one for another six months to a year. I will have blood work done I think about every three months because there's a way they can check for specific tumors with the blood. Again, I will probably get aspects of this wrong, but my understanding is that they can use my blood to check if the liver is operating normally, check if there is a tumor on my brain even. These scientists and doctors are significantly smarter than me. :) They're probably not quite as smart as my cousin Kellini, but they're close.
According to the oncologist if cancer is going to return, it doesn't usually do it until after five years. Who knows why.
Radiation definitely is hard on the body and there are a few people even who are adamantly against radiation. I talked to my acupuncturist about it today, and her feelings were its so focused and centralized that yes, its hard on that part of the body, but its much better now than it used to be. She also said that if its that or cancer, then she'd pick radiation. :) I like her!
There was some talk from my oncologist before one treatment of putting me into menopause because there is a post menopause drug that has been found to maybe work better than the pre-menopausal drug. This was when she thought I was Jewish. I know, sounds funny. There is a Jewish population of people that are at an incredibly high risk of having breast cancer and ovarian cancer, so they do more intense preventative measures. For some reason my surgeon was under the impression I was Jewish, so it took about three appointments to convince my oncologist that no, he's wrong, I don't have a Jewish heritage. Anyway, so I talked to her today about the putting me into menopause thing. To do this, they have an injection they can do that you have to closely monitor and makes your brain think you're in menopause, its not ideal. Another option is to have surgery where they put two little incisions in your skin and basically suck out your ovaries. This cancer thing is glamorous, glamorous, glamorous. I have plastic bags in my chest, I have no hair, I have like 2 eye lashes that I keep layering with mascara to emphasize (yeah that'll make them look normal), and scars all over the place. Oh, and a large lump below my collarbone that is a port. Yup, let's suck out the ovaries, I love it. Anyway, so I told her I really didn't want to do the suction thing or the injection thing, but I didn't want to be stupid about any of this either. She said she thought it would be fine if I didn't do it and stuck with the tamoxifen. Aaaahhh, good stuff. So, bottom line after all this rambling, I'm not Jewish, I'm not removing any more body parts or organs, I will take tamoxifen, and I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE!!!!

Its All About Me

I was telling Brent the other day that I'm getting used to all this attention. I used to be very uncomfortable with the focus being on me, and I still am a little, but its getting easier!! My birthday was Wednesday, so I had my coworkers singing me happy birthday and balloons covering my classroom, in addition to the usual attention of people wondering how I'm doing and helping us with dinners. Yeah, I could get used to this whole "its all about me" thing. It could be rough when I go back to having to take care of myself. What's that about?
I have chemo #7 on Monday!! It should be the last time I have to miss school to do it, and therefore the last time my dad should have to come. Although he says he's "getting into teaching shape again." Since he was here almost the whole week last week it was easier as far as getting to know kids, etc. When I reminded my class I was going to be gone, they were all pumped that he's coming in. I think I'm meaner than he is. :)
I have had itchy hands on and off this week. Apparently that's a common side effect to chemotherapy. I'm sure they probably told me that at some point, but I have a hard time paying attention. Anyway, I called the nurses about it, and one said there was really not a whole lot I can do about it, and the other one said to check out chemocare.com. Some things work for some people, some of it doesn't work for anyone, but its worth a shot. It is kind of entertaining to me that there's a web site for help with side effects that sort of thing and I just now found out about it. I'm so not the researcher. The people that read this that have had breast cancer before probably read this and think, "wow, she just doesn't have a clue." A part of me feels guilty for not doing more research to learn about what's happening inside my own body, but I really just don't want to. Usually when I need to learn more about something I call Lisa. She knows everything and if she doesn't have an answer, she'll find it for me. Its totally lazy of me, and its horrible, I'm just not very smart. :) Anyway, have a great weekend, I think we're getting a Christmas tree for Cannon to tear down. Ha!

Christmas is coming!

Feeling good again, excited to go to work tomorrow because it means things have a faux-normal feel to them. My Aunt Stephanie and my cousins Ryan & Amy came over to dinner tonight. The cancer card came into play in that I invited them over, offered to make food (meaning, I offered for Brent to make food) and Amy insisted she bring dinner with them. I'm not really sure what we're going to do when we have to fend for ourselves again. Its been a while since we've had to like ... make dinner. :)
Max and I had a great two year old battle today that totally left me frustrated and irate and feeling stupid for letting a two year old get me this upset. It was nice to talk to Amy and Aunt Stephanie and be reassured yet again that he's two, its not cancer related. I think Max threw his first fit on his first birthday. Cannon turns one at the end of January. Does this mean I'm going to be doing two of these battles a day? Holy crap, I'm screwed. Chemo is nothing comparaed to that little sucker. Gotta love him.
I've been humming Christmas music non-stop lately. I am definitely excited for the holidays. Lisa loves Christmas music, and probably for that reason alone I hated it, but its grown on me, and we're getting close to almost done with this treatment business. Two more. The 15th and the 29th. They even let me schedule the last one. We're on the upswing of the roller coaster.

Still chemo

Ok, its not cake, its chemo. I felt all screwy yesterday, and last night had a huge headache and thought I was actually going to throw up. I didn't, but I didn't go back to school today either. I still feel a little loopy today. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of trying to figure out what I could have done differently. I'm tired of sleeping all day, I'm tired of the whole deal. I'm glad there are only 2 left, I know I can make it and everything will be fine, but it won't be as easy as I was hoping. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, and next week, blah blah blah. Irritating!

Cake

This chemo thing is cake. Ha ha! I'm starting to agree with Dr. Lee "is no problem." If I had had taxol first then adriamycin & cytoxan, it would have sucked. Having those miserable suckers first makes the taxol seem like a dream (accomplanied by my friend Emend). I didn't have an allergic reaction again today and I had fewer steroids. Those steroids are a little trippy. I kept wanting to tackle Brent...
I haven't had any of the tingling sensation in my hands and feet either, which is marvelous. About 5% of people experience that to a pretty serious degree to where they can't touch something without it causing pain. Good stuff. I have some additional tightening in my left arm pit which has me a little concerned. Dr. Lee set up an appointment with a physical therapist so she can give me some exercises to do everyday to help with tightening, and to help avoid lymphadema (pretty sure that's spelled wrong). She says this is pretty normal but can worsen during radiation. She also said that it seems to be ok, but it will make me feel better to go meet with her. I don't go until the 23rd.
I also got to schedule the last one today!!!!!! I have the next one December 15th, Happy Birthday Grandpa Leon, and the last one is December 29th, just in time for Rick's birthday.
We had a great Thanksgiving in SunRiver. I ate like I was a teenager, and when they weighed me today I kicked some scale butt. :) I totally would have won a weight gain contest if there had been one. We had so much food, and all of it tasted good, nothing had a metal taste, it was amazing. I guess I should start using that treadmill from the grandparents that's in the garage... Max & Cannon had a great time with their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandma, and great aunts, and Max was crying when we left, because he wanted to stay. Cannon got an eighth tooth, so he was a little whiny, but Rick & Debbie let him sleep in their room so we could sleep. It was heavenly. Conner is my two year old nephew, who is hilarious. It was good for me to see him throw the occasional fit though so I could be reassured that Max isn't a fit thrower because I'm sick or I have no hair, he's just 2. I have a little less guilt.
I go in for a Neulasta shot tomorrow for the immune system. I'm guessing some aches and pains will set in tomorrow evening. Whatever, I only have two left you're not bringing me down now man!!
Here's a picture of my favorite big kid and I. I tell Max I have a favorite baby, a favorite two year old, and a favorite big kid. The family pictures this year have everyone in hats. Great family support.

Flowers

So there was a canned food drive at school to provide needy families with food for Thanksgiving. If the students brought in a certain number of pounds, staff members offered themselves up for a variety of activities. There were men with painted fingernails, women with pink hair, men in dresses, some that actually ate worms, and two of us with painted heads. I chose an art student with good taste to paint my head, and as you can see she did a beautiful job! I got off easy, there's no way I'm eating a worm. I saw them dust the dirt off of them before they ate them. Wow.
I don't have any aches and pains anymore. I am a little tired at the end of the day, but not unbearable. I have energy to last me to about 8. Then I hit a wall. I like the quiet time either with Brent, or by myself if he's gone. I don't go to bed at this point, but I don't do anything productive. I used to hit a wall about 4:30, so I'm feeling down right peppy. ha ha

I'm 80

I feel like an 80 year old woman. According to Brent, I walk like one too. Taxol can create some aches and pains. Yeah, got 'em. My hips, knees, and feet are killing me. The hot tub helped, and I'm sure the other drugs that I'll take in the next hour will help too. :) I don't have any nausea, and I only felt loopy today briefly. This taxol stuff is way better than that other cocktail. Plus the Beavers beat Cal, so life is good.
I'm starting to get excited to have hair on my head again. I realize its quite a ways out, but I'm looking forward to it. I used to have a fear of getting a bad hair cut. I think I've overcome that one... :) Doesn't get much worse than patchy-bald. Well, ok, I have seen worse haircuts, but you know what I mean.
I am so absolutely excited that this whole poisoning thing has gotten better. I can totally do three more of these suckers. I'm almost done. I'm actually going to get to the end of this part of it. The last one I think will be December 30th. No poisonings in 2009. Sounds good. I hope my rickety 80 year old legs can dance a jig.

Adrenaline Rush

I again, love Emend. We got one more sample for free, and a "voucher" for a buy one get one free basically. Its pretty amusing to me to have a coupon for anti-nausea drugs, but I'll take it!! :) I feel great today. I don't have any muscle soreness, though it could still definitely show up. I didn't have an allergic reaction while the taxol was going in, so that was good. I really like breathing, so it was nice to not have to hinder that. That had me a little nervous, obviously. I'm guessing Sunday I'll start feeling a little loopy when I don't have the Emend to take anymore, but if it goes the same as last time, there won't be any nausea either. Whee! I'm on a huge adrenaline rush from being OVER HALFWAY DONE. Aaahhh. Three left sounds so much better than only three done. The nurses and others that I've talked to have said after the first taxol it got easier. Plus you're on the downhill slope, so that rocks. My white blood cell count was huge, so no shot today either. One less needle, love it! Although the nice nurse that gives it to me reminds me of Brent's Grandma Bonnie, so I'll miss seeing her. :)
I don't have anymore until December. That sounds soooo good. Its finally starting to feel like there's an end to this poisoning thing after all. The light at the end of the tunnell is finally visible. After the second one, it was just dread of "I don't want to do this anymore, its going to take forever to get done" and now I know for sure I can do it, and its not the end of the world. Adrenaline is cruising through me man!
My friend from Harper came to visit yesterday and today which was just so nice to see her. I'm sure none of you know where Harper is, because its a town with a population of like 35. Literally. It took her like 8 hours to get here, and they're headed to a Beaver game tomorrow, but I never get to see her, and her kids are awesome, and it was good for my soul. I hope everyone has a great weekend, and I hope I do too!

Taxol

Tomorrow is taxol #1! Whee! I get to take some steroids tonight so that'll be a good time. I also have to sit there forever tomorrow for the whole process. I have four hours to sit there. I'm taking some grading to do, so I guess if I start to feel sick the grades won't be very good. Ha. After tomorrow though, there are no more treatments in November. The next one is December 1st. I'm really excited about Thanksgiving. I won't have had treatment for two weeks, so I should feel great, I get to eat my guts out, and its the end of a trimester at school so there won't be any school stuff hanging over my head. Ahhhh. So in that respect, I'm excited to get tomorrow over with and be done for a while. Maybe I'll be excited enough that I'll have that adrenaline rush Friday and feel no pain. Right...

The Radiator

Emend was wonderful, no nausea at all! However, it took longer to recover over all. I didn't feel "normal" until probably Wednesday evening or so. I still had the medicine head loopy thing for a few days. I had a flu shot Friday and the immune booster shot Saturday, and Sunday I woke up aching all over. I still didn't feel nauseous, and no headaches, or depression stuff, but holy cow everything hurt. Even my armpits ached and I can't really even feel one of them. Monday I felt less achy, still loopy, and a little sick.
Tuesday I went to meet with the radiation doctor. This is doctor number #5 in my entourage I think. Another med student as well. We went from med student Justin to med student Michael. We got to watch a video in the radiation office. It was very similar to the "how to bag groceries" video I had to watch at Thriftway a long time ago. It showed the machines, a variety of friendly doctors and explained the procedure with some sweet music in the background. Basically, the radiation is targeted at the tumor area, and the lymph node area and doesn't take more than like 15 minutes once you get there. They want to make sure that if the cancer spread to other levels of lymph nodes, then they will kill it with either chemo or radiation. Two weeks after chemo is done, I go back to radiation folk and they figure out where to aim lasers or rays or whatever they are. They position me, and maybe tattoo where they'll aim. Then two weeks after that, the radiation starts. Its everyday except weekends and holidays for 5 - 6 weeks. A lot of driving to Corvallis. She said the main side effects I will probably experience will be fatigue, (gee, that'll be new), and some skin burning, like a sun burn. She said that because the lymph nodes are close to the skin, there will be burning. If my skin doesn't turn red, then she's not doing her job. Well, ok. I liked her, and med student Michael is from Missoula, so of course he's a grizz fanatic like all Missoulians, so we bonded over that one. Bonding and then having to take your shirt off is new, but I'm getting used to that whole public nudity thing.
My next chemo is next Thursday, the 13th. Before the drug goes in, they always give me saline to flush the port or something. This causes a smell and a taste that I can't get out of my system lately. Its weird that the saline causes this, not the drug, but of course its associated with the whole process, so its somewhat nauseating. I'm not thrilled about having to sit there for four hours while they do the drug thing, and I will supposedly be achy again after. Sweet. I will be very excited when this one is over, because the next one isn't scheduled until December 1st, after Thanksgiving. My dad will have to teach like three or four days in a row, because its on a Monday. I think he may need some heroine when he's done. He says this is a great reassurance that yes he did want to retire.

Emend

Emend is my friend. I got a sample of a drug yesterday that if I had had to pay for it would have been $300 for 3 pills. Its called Emend. I love it. I took one at the beginning of chemo, another today and I take another one tomorrow. I went trick or treating yesterday, went to bed early. I haven't gotten sick, and I've functioned like a normal human being today. Yay! I am still tired of course, and my stomach is still not quite sure what to do with things, but I've eaten and its all stayed down, and I feel really good. I love drugs! I guess the puking and not eating for three days diet is out now. :) I took one of the other anti-nausea things yesterday just in case, but I haven't taken them today and its still working... I still have my fingers crossed. I also got to have a flu shot yesterday. While they're injecting poison into me, they gave me a flu shot in my arm. Why not, give me more crap all at once, lay it on me, I love needles.
I am also DONE with the first round of stuff. The Adriamycin is the nastiest of the chemo drugs I've been told, so some of this good feeling could be because of the adrenaline rush I feel at being done with that. The oncologist says the next drug, taxol, is usually easier on people than the first round. I don't know if I believe this, because this is the same woman who says chemo is "no problem." I'm hopeful though! I do have to take some steroids in case of possible allergic reaction to this one. I could get a rash or possibly have trouble breathing. Cool, I kind of like breathing, so I'm a little concerned about that one. I figure since I have no hair, and not much femininity left, I should take steroids to finish me off anyway. I feel like I should be covered in tattoos. Really tough ones like skulls and stuff.
Anyway, I went to get my immune booster shot today. The wonderful woman was there again. I almost started crying I was so happy to see her. I told her she gave me the same shot two weeks ago, and she said "well, I hope I did a good job!" I said "oh my gosh, you were wonderful!!" I was probably over-enthusiastic, so she might be afraid of me.
Trick or treating was awesome. Max whispered a couple of trick or treats and a few thank yous. He got to climb into a fire truck at the fire station, so he was loving that. Cannon did some yelling, and we had to rotate carrying him because he's just big. :) I loved it.
So, I can't express to you how much better I feel today and yesterday. After the other treatments, I have had 2 days of horrible and depressed, and just well, shitty. I don't have that!! I'm human!! Awesome.

Early Halloween

We had an early Halloween trial run. Debbie made Max's Halloween costume, and when he saw it, he actually wanted to put it on, and wore it for a few hours. And, he let us take his picture. Well, he let Smama Debbie take his picture. He posed and everything. For those of you that don't know Max, these things don't just happen. We went ahead and dressed up Cannon as well in case on Friday Max refuses to wear the hat, or requires a sucker bribe to get his picture taken. More chemo Friday as well. I'm hoping to not get sick until after trick or treating, but if it doesn't work out, then at least I have a picture. :)
We were also visited this weekend by Grandma Milly and Uncle Dennis who loaded us with food from the family farm. It was great to see them, and Max was especially impressed when he heard that Dennis and Milly have tractors and cows. Sold, he likes them.
I haven't written anything in a while because I feel like its all the same. Good week, bad week, waiting for it to be over. I love feeling good, I dread going back. I have shaved my head. Razor shaved it. I did it a while ago, but apparently forgot to mention it. I don't mind having no hair. I like wearing hats, and I hear "you have a good shaped head" a lot. That's a compliment I never thought I'd be getting. I get cold a lot, but that's not a new thing. If I don't have a hat on, I feel like there's a constant breeze on my scalp. Some of it seems to have started growing back, but only in patches. I could have a really sweet mullet. Ok, maybe not a mullet, but a weird patchy thing going on anyway. Classy. Oddly enough my leg hair has not stopped growing. I'm incredibly annoyed by this one. I don't feel like I should have to shave my legs at this point. Hair falls out on my head, and is growing on my legs. Shouldn't this be something most men are concerned about like after 50 or something? Not a 30 year old (almost 31! holy crap!) female. If it starts growing in my ears, or in my nostrils at an alarming rate, then I don't know what I'll do.
After Friday I should be halfway done. This means cocktail #1 is done. I've had adriamycin and cytoxan (those are close, probably not exactly right), for the last 3 treatments, and the last one Friday. The next four doses are T something. I have it written down, I don't remember what it is. When I actually start getting it, then I'll probably remember what it is. Only one drug, I have hopes that it'll be easier, but everyone that I talk to tells me that it all was the same as far as how their body handled it. Fun. I'm stoked.
I meet with the radiation doctor on Tuesday morning. I'm starting to get more curious about what that's all about. I am mainly excited for the four weeks I have in between chemo and radiation. I'll bet I feel like a million bucks! :)
I see Christmas decorations everywhere. Its early for all of that stuff, but it makes me think Christmas is right around the corner and chemo will be close to done by then... Bring on the Christmas music Lisa!
Brent got a card in the mail that says "When people care for you they can straighten out your soul." I love that. Thanks.

Five Left

Chemo number three is done. It seems like I should be much farther along in all of this than I am. There are still five more of those suckers to go. Crap! They give me an anti-nausea before chemo through my port that is supposed to be good for five days. Right... like my little puker self will be good for that long. Last time it worked for about 12 hours, this time it worked for about 3. I should have taken some of my pills for nausea right after leaving the clinic, then I may have been ok, but I didn't take them until I was already nauseous and by then its too late. Its a fun little guessing game of when are you going to puke and when are you not. I was sick on the way home, and got to pull over once. That was a definite low point. Drugs started kicking in last night, so I slept good. Today I feel ok. I'm a little queasy, but haven't been sick, and I've been able to eat. I'll probably have to go get ice cream later just because that makes everything better. :) I'm tired today, but part of that is from the nausea stuff too. I don't feel as loopy and light headed this time. I don't know if its because I had three weeks in between or not, but its better. My next dose is scheduled for Halloween. I really want to be able to take Max the cowboy and Cannon the monster trick or treating, but we'll see how it goes.
I went in for a immune booster shot thing today. I had one after the first chemo, and the actual shot hurt like hell. I'm fairly certain the nurse got a running start from the other side of the room, jammed it in, and left laughing. The one today was heavenly. It was an older lady and she was much gentler, not painful at all. It basically helps my white blood cell count so it'll be in the right range for the next one.
A friend of mine had someone come in to clean our house Thursday. I was a little apprehensive to let others see how much dirt is really here, but wow it was amazing to come home to. Of course, now Brent & my dad are tearing apart the entryway to re-tile so there's dust everywhere. The clean was fun while it lasted. :) Anyway, the little chunk is crying, have a good weekend!!

Nothing New

I have nothing interesting to say, and its probably questionable whether I ever have anything interesting to say, but there's nothing new in my little cancer chemo world. Breast cancer awareness month means everywhere I look there is pink stuff. Its amazing the things they make that are pink. Its great that proceeds go towards research, but holy cow. M&Ms, pink cream cheese, chip clips, etc. One of the chemo nurses was telling me that she went out with some friends and there were pink napkins at the bar. Naturally, working where she does, she assumes they are for breast cancer awareness month. They weren't, they were leftover from some wedding. So all night her friends were making fun of her as if everything pink was for that reason. "Look, there's a pink invoice, it must be for breast cancer awareness!"
My cold is almost totally gone. I feel really good. Now that I'm in week three post chemo, I'm realizing that even when I thought I was feeling good, it wasn't as good as normal. I have so much energy when I'm not being poisoned. I know, shocking. :)Its fun to feel up to running with Max in the backyard, and rolling around on the ground with both little dudes. When I started this whole ordeal I remember someone trying to reassure me and saying "a year from now, you'll be done, and totally fine." All I could think was "a year!!?? Are you serious, a whole year!?" Yup, about a year. You get to read about every detail of my life for a whole year. Lucky you!

Chemo Delayed

I showed up, they tested my blood, white blood cell count was good, but I have the makings of a sinus infection. I felt horrible while I was there, the entire right side of my face was pounding, nose running, eye watering, flattering and beautiful. :) Anyway, because of this, the oncologist was concerned that they'd give me the chemo and I'd go home feeling even worse. So, its delayed to next Friday. My first reaction was to cry. I'm really getting tired of crying in public, I never used to be a crier. Anyway, I came home, took over the counter drugs, slept and am feeling much more rational now. Amazing how much of a difference that whole sleep factor makes. I didn't want to have to move back my end date of December 19th, but what are you going to do? If I look at the every other week from next Friday, then that sucks for Thanksgiving and Christmas because I would have treatment the day after both. However, the oncologist said I can move back another one when Thanksgiving gets here if that's important to me. It is, so that was releiving.
I don't know what the date is that I'll be done now, and I'm trying to not figure it out. I need to learn that me trying to plan what's going to happen in my future as far as my health isn't going to work out. I can't get stuck on dates, I'll be disappointed every time.
I'm frustrated, but for the most part, I'm excited to have another week of feeling good. Once this sinus business goes away, I can have another week to feel human.

Lint Roller

Max was intrigued by the bald head.
"Mommmy's hair all gone?"
"yeah, kinda funny, huh?"
"Max touch it... kinda pokey... kinda ouchy..."
I cried. Not a sad cry, just a nice moment.

I'm almost caught up on stuff, so it must be time for more poisonings. Friday! yay! After this one I'll be down to one hand as Jenn says. I'm really ready to be done with all of it, but that seems to be a ways off. Oh well.
My head itches. My coworkers and Brent are telling me I need to "bic it." I have this extreme fear of cutting my head open. I read one woman venting somewhere about wanting to use a lint roller on her head. We tried it. It was funny, and it got a lot of hair, but sort of an unending deal. We could have rolled until either hair was gone, or the lint roller was done, but it seemed tedious. I'm really glad I buzzed it at least. I wouldn't want this much long hair falling all over the place. I'm kind of grossed out by the little 1/2 inch hairs as it is.
Sam & Debbie are coming to help take care of the little guys this weekend. My parents are coming Sunday night so my dad will work Monday & either half of Tuesday or all day. Students are getting used to Mr. Sime. One kid asked if the picture in my room of Albert Einstein was my dad. Really!? I told him my dad would be incredibly flattered, but no. I then told him to google Albert Einstein and wrote it down for him so he'd spell it right. :) Other kids in class laughed, but I'm pretty sure they didn't know either. Another student in spanish class saw a picture of Jerry Garcia and asked if that was Mrs. Klumph's sub. Again, flattering, but no. :)

Getting smarter?

I tell people this blog thing is pretty therapeutic. I don't know if its the venting part of things, or the fact that I can put anything on here and I have this huge support group of people telling me its perfect. Hmmm... I could get used to this. I told Brent that my inner princess was coming out. He didn't seem to think it had far to go...
I have felt great again this weekend. It seems to be about a week (maybe slightly less) that I feel crummy. So I guess I get a week on and a week off. Six more weeks of feeling crummy (is that like the groundhog?) doesn't sound appealing, but what're you going to do? Brent pointed out that its not like we have a choice in the matter. Its just how it has to be. So, ok. Sitting and whining about it hasn't gotten me far in the past, so just deal with it and accept it and focus on the good weeks.
A coworker asked me what I learned this week. (Totally teacher-y) I like this because it gives me something else to think about, but also it reminds me of Grandma Madge. She took care of Amos & I for a week one time, and everyday was "what did you learn today?" Annoying at the time, but cool in retrospect, and totally Grandma. I'm obviously not one to research any of the cancer stuff that most people do, or the drugs they inject in me. However, I learned the first round to stop doing too much when I'm not ready. Easier said than done for me. This time I think I better figured out the nausea (still got sick, but improving), and like I said last time, focus on tomorrow, because it will be better. The Saturday after "treatment" is the worst day, so especially that day. Open the blinds, force myself to pretend I'm actually among the living, and wait for Sunday. :)
Right now, I feel great, and I'm excited to have this week to feel good. I go into over-achiever mode this week to try to catch up from last week. Nightime book reading with little dudes goes from five or ten minutes to thirty, grading actually gets done, and Brent doesn't have to clean everything. I know, don't overdo it, relax, enjoy your kids, I know, I will, I promise!

GI Jane?

I could kick Demi Moore's butt dude! :) After being fairly certain I couldn't shave it off, I did it anyway. Well, I've been told its not shaved, just a buzz cut, I don't envision myself putting an actual razor to my head. I had to get it over with, and the wisps (handfuls) of hair that were floating behind me in the wind had to go. Max could have cared less. I of course over-worried that one. Cannon, ditto. I kind of like it. Except for the gray. I knew it would be there, but that Cannon side of the family is definitely there. I like them, but man do they have the gray-white hair! Oh well, its just hair. It feels weird in the shower. When the water hits my head instead of hair it feels different, and I automatically reach to wring it out when the water's off. Its kind of liberating though, a definite adrenaline rush. Maybe I will have to burn those bras...
I went to school for 1/2 a day today. I felt tons better today than yesterday, but not fantastic. Its so frustrating to have treatment, which the during part isn't a big deal, but the after takes so long to feel normal again. To have a week (or more) to feel like myself again is annoying. I know, heal, take care of yourself, rest, blah blah blah, I am, but I don't want to! :) I'm not thrilled at all about still having six of those suckers to go. Six more weeks of feeling crappy. Sweet. I did get sick today, but its the first time since Friday, so the anti-nausea I think is working. It seems to be. After I got sick I felt great. I came home and Max & I took a two hour nap, and I felt like a rockstar when I woke up. Well, a bald graying rockstar. I have another 1/2 day tomorrow, sort of, we'll see how it goes.
Brent's been awesome as usual. Well, he felt a little sick yesterday, but good today. He gets to go fishing tomorrow, which he's been so excited about that he started getting ready last Friday. He also makes sure I feel pretty in the middle of my hair falling to the ground. He's a good one.
Everyday I remind myself that tomorrow I'll feel better. Its kept me going so far.

Bust out the hats

The hair's coming out! Its a little disgusting, and definitely disturbing, but there's only a 5% chance it stays in. After the 76% thing, I am always aiming for the majority, so let it fall. I am trying to get the courage to shave it, but its not here yet. What a stupid thing to hang onto, strands of hair that may or not be attached anymore. Maybe tomorrow I'll do it. I did buy a sucker for Max so we can call it a party and bribe him with candy in case he freaks out. I'm at home today. I took the little dudes to daycare, whihch I feel bad about considering I'm home, but I have to keep reminding myself to take it easy so I can get better. I feel like there are all these things I should be doing. I used to be able to lay on a couch all day long in college doing nothing, completely guilt free, apparently those days are gone. I do feel pretty good today. I feel a little loopy, and like I need to walk slow, and do everything slowly, but I'm not nauseous. The headache that I seem to get from drugs or chemo is gone for now. My dad's working today, and I still have a 1/2 day planned for tomorrow. We'll see after that.
My school last Thursday dressed in pink for me. Not to be outdone by Tillamook, kids had on pink or at least a pink ribbon, as did staff members. It was hard to find a kid that didn't have pink on somewhere, even the skippers. I also had balloons, flowers, cards, a bear, and a giant pink heart made by the spanish class. Very flattering. I had one girl that came up to tell me that she had a pink tank top on, but it was cold, so you couldn't see it, but she wanted to make sure I knew that she cared about me. Aw, how cute, maybe she's not really flunking... ha ha
Having Rick & Debbie here was great. Max & Cannon of course loved it, Max got the infamous doughnut from the store, as he usually does when a grandparent takes him, and Cannon got to be held as much as he wanted. Brent & Rick did some serious weeding, Debbie & Brent did some serious cleaning, and I did some serious sleeping. How worthless am I? So, when I get up the courage to be the bald girl, I'll post a picture, talk to you soon.

Round Two DONE

The only way to get Max to take a picture at times is to bribe with a sucker. I need to get his haircut, and it may require the same bribe.
So, I made it through round 2. The during isn't bad at all, its just a matter of how I feel after. Felt ok yesterday, the acupuncture was very cool, last night I got sick a couple of times, but am feeling better today. I'm not ready to go run a marathon, or watch chemicals on tv, but I'm up and not nauseous. Rick & Debbie are here to help out and they came armed with food and cookies. They also brought the pink capes for Max & Cannon.
I can't believe you Harmon chicks are giving me crap about writing thank yous! We have received tons of letters and cards and gifts telling me how much you all like me, and how amazing you think I am (which I love, I keep them all and reread them). I thought the least I could do was to send a card not just to thank you, but to stay in touch, tell you the same. And I get crap for it! I'm tempted to send Diane about 20 thank yous just to be irritating. :)
So, I'm hanging out, fairly immobile, but feeling ok. Waiting for it to pass and feel normal again! My dad is working for me Monday, I might try a 1/2 day Tuesday, just depends on how things are going.

I'm good

I've been told if I don't post things regularly, people start to worry about me. My coworkers see me everyday, so I don't think they're concerned, but for the rest of you, I'M ALIVE! :) Thanks for worrying about me. I've felt great, had energy, doesn't feel like I'm poisoned at all. I have a whole new standard, feel poisoned vs. don't feel poisoned. Good stuff. Back to plastic surgeon this afternoon. I'm thinking this is the last time, I don't need "dollies" as Dr. Havard calls them.
Tomorrow is acupuncture, so I'm only working 1/2 of a day, and then Friday is poisoning #2. Rock on. After Friday, I will be halfway done with cocktail #1. If I break it into parts, it seems less daunting. I feel ready to go for chemo. I'm sure there will be some nerves involved, and probably some puking, because regardless of drugs, I am a puker it seems. I'm trying not to expect that, because that whole mind control thing I'm sure if I expect it it will happen. We'll see!! Maybe I should just set a new standard for this too, try not to vomit before chemo even goes in. I'm so cool. I think I told you I got sick before they even put in the chemo last time.
I do meet with Dr. Lee tomorrow (oncologist) which will be good. I have some questions about the drug I get to take after all of this stuff. Apparently some people don't have the gene in their body to break down the drug to let it do what it needs to do. There has been a blood test developed in the last six months to determine if I have the gene to make it work or not. Another survivor woman told me that, so I apparently need to start doing more research... I'm not a researcher. It seems that they've taken enough of my blood they should be able to test for anything and everything, but I'm sure they'll take more.
My coworkers (who are now blog readers, hi!!) have been making dinners for us, which has helped IMMENSELY. Rick & Debbie are coming to visit this weekend and are bringing about 12 frozen dinners from Tillamook folk. We are well taken care of!!
Brent has some scheduled days to get out of the house in the near future. He is in serious need of time away, time without thinking about drugs, smelly kids, etc. He handles it all amazingly well, but I worry about him. Max & Cannon are awesome. I didn't think Max would ever be a wrestler since he doesn't like people touching him, but he had some impressive moves this morning while I was trying to get him dressed. Thorpe, you wouldn't want him, he'd tell you "no" all day long. Other than those daily fits, he's doing very well. He even shows signs of caring about Cannon from time to time. Cannon is hilarious and always good for a smile. When he gets excited he throws his arms out to the sides, does an air hump (sorry, but its true), and yells "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!" ha ha ha, that kid's funny.

Normal Family Day

Life is normal... ish. Thursday I talked to my principal about possibly working half days and told her I wasn't seeing my kids, etc. She completely understood, she's awesome, and we called a sub to come talk to me about the possibility of him filling in for a while. My dad doesn't want to work everyday, I wouldn't want him to, I hope I don't have to when I retire. :) Anyway, Thursday at work I took my nap and felt great all day. I was awake and not sick that night, played with the little dudes, everything was rosy. Friday, same thing, rosy. Today is Saturday, I haven't taken any anti-nausea since last night and I've felt good all day. Hmmmm, maybe I will have normal-ish days. So I did talk to the sub about working for me half days maybe part of the week after chemo, more if I needed it, less if I didn't. Here's what the most recent thoughts are. And I'm sure after chemo and the whole "everyone handles it differently" thing this will again change, but I like to have plans for some reason. So, my dad will work Fridays for sure (maybe 1/2 of Thursday too for acupuncture) and the following Monday. We'll see how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling functionable, then I'm going to have other sub work 1/2 day Tuesday, maybe Wednesday as well, and see what's happening in the puke world. Its probably going to be hardest on my students, they'll have me sometimes, dad sometimes, and teacher #3 sometimes. They'll live. My after lunch class is the regular skippers anyway. Most days they don't know if they're in the right class at all, so it probably won't phase them. The last period class is Freshman. They're too hopped up on caffeine and hormones by that time that the teacher standing there yelling at them is really immaterial. So, I'll get to see my kids a normal amount, maybe even more, and sort of teach.
So, chemo #2 is Friday. Anytime I'm feeling nauseous from this stuff, the word "chemical" makes my stomach turn. I watched "How It's Made" the other night and they were making some plastic-y thing with all sorts of chemicals, and I couldn't handle it. I went to bed. I could, however, finish an entire peanut butter mildshake with ease. I promised half to dad, he didn't get half. There's still a lot of normal in my life.
This is the first weekend in a while that we have been able to hang out as a family, just the four of us. It was over a month ago that I had surgery, and we've had people coming to visit and help out, and make food, etc. I have absolutely loved having everyone here and been totally spoiled by all the food and the helping with diapers, but I thought about it today and we haven't been together on a weekend with nothing to do since like early August, maybe even before that. We went to Corvallis today, had lunch and played in the fountain by the river. People at the bakery where we had lunch were making faces and smiling at my adorable children, and I got to feel like a normal happy family. Aw, so nice. Cannon of course had food all over himself and was thrilled. He waved his arms and yelled what I'm sure he means as hello. Max of course didn't say anything to anyone other than, "no." Tomorrow we have more big plans of nothing. Probably a trip to the playground, and some other seemingly boring things. We certainly have a new appreciation for the normal day, I couldn't be more excited to have them.
I also got a call today from my "project H.E.R." person. I'm supposed to know what that stands for I'm sure, but I don't. Its the person that's sort of assigned to me, to check in with me who has been through it all before. Other places its called Reach to Recovery Volunteer. Anyway, she's been talking to someone else as well. Don't worry, I'm not the jealous type. This other woman is about to go through the same surgery I went through, with at least one of the same doctors. She had some questions and wanted to know if I'd be willing to talk to her. I was excited! She was on her way out the door, but I'll talk to her tomorrow. Look at me, being the boob expert, saving the world. I love it!

I'm an idiot

So on the drug bottles that they give me, there are bright yellow warning labels. I just read them yesterday. On one of them it says "may cause headache." I've had a headache for like three days. When I get headaches, I get sick, like nauseous sick. I'm an idiot. Stopped taking that one, no headache today. Not nauseous now, we'll see how I feel when I get home. This isn't rocket science Mo, figure it out, its bright yellow!
Ovary is clear. There's some fibroid that has calcified. Dr. Lee says this is "no problem." Dr. Lee says chemo is "no problem." Dr. Lee's no problem and my no problem are very different things. Bottom line, its not cancer, I don't care what it is. So, after not making it through Monday, I took Tuesday off and sent Mr. Sime back in. Wednesday I tried again, and made it through the day (with a nap in the middle), but was exhausted by the time I got home. Brent went to pick up anti-nausea #3, I puked once, took it, and have felt good since. I did make it through the school day, which is good, but I felt crappy and wasn't able to see Max & Cannon much. That's not ok with me. I'm at school today (Thursday) and we'll see how it goes. If the next couple of days leave me exhausted by the time I get home, then we'll have to do something different. I may talk to the boss about working part time or something, if that's an option. Obviously my first priority is Max & Cannon. There's no way I'm not going to see them at all for three months.
I'm mainly frustrated that I can't do what I want to do. I want to be able to teach, be a mom, coach. I feel like some shell of myself, I can only do parts of each. If everything goes according to schedule, then chemo will be over December 19th. That's three months from tomorrow. I'll have radiation after that, but that shouldn't make me vomit. I'm focusing on December 19th and hopefully feeling normal again. :)

Wheee!

I tried to go back to school yesterday, but I didn't make it. I should have taken a nap during my prep time, but I didn't, and I ended up going home after puking in the bathroom. Awesome. I spent last night feeling crappy, and was sick until about 8 or so, then finally started feeling better. My parents went home and came back and dad's at school today. I think I just did too much. I took the anti-nausea, but I had a little bit of a headache, and I felt a little loopy, so I guess it was too much. I feel good today, still a little unsure of how my body's going to handle anything, but good. I had coworkers bail me out yesterday and cover my classes last minute, which was relieving. I also had a student aid that was my personal escort all afternoon. He sat in the office while I was laying down in the health room. He said he wanted to make sure I was ok. Aw, nice kid.
This whole poisoning your system thing just sucks. I still realize things could be much much worse, but I'm not excited about three months of this. Three months can fly by or it can drag. When I think of how much Cannon will learn and grow in the next three months, it seems like it'll by gone before I know it. But, when I think of more needles and poisonings, yeee, doesn't sound like fun. Maybe my body will get used to it. I feel like I have permanent medicine head. When you take cold medicine and you feel a little loopy? That's how I feel most of the time. I think I can function if I take it slower and don't go gung ho, but I'll just feel weird for a while. I'll take weird over throwing up, but its not thrilling.
In the meantime, hair's still here. I over-analyze the amount that falls out. I stare at the hairbrush wondering if that's a normal amount? I know it'll all sort of come out at once in big clumps, but I'm still compelled to wonder if mine will be different and it'll just thin. Its weird to get up in the morning and check out your pillow to see how much hair is there. Definitely a different "normal."
I go to the sonogram today to check out the ovary. I'm not worried about it, I just want it over with. I am supposed to go back to the plastic surgeon tomorrow for more pumping up, but I think I'll delay that a week. I want a few days without doctors.

All Better

When Max hurts himself, and we kiss it, suddenly its "all better." The puking needed more than a kiss, but we've got it figured out for now. Go drugs go!! I puked a few times yesterday, but after I put the posting on here, I stopped. I have 2 different drugs I take at alternating times, and it works! Yay! I am starting to get a little tired here and there, but not bad. I realize it will get harder, but at this point I know it is totally do-able. I have been given a variety of hats that are all very cute. I'm actually looking forward to my hair falling out so I have an excuse to wear them to school. I know the hair falling out thing may be hard when it actually happens, but right now I don't think it'll bother me. As long as I'm not nauseous, I can go about my normal day.
I went to get an immune booster shot today. Apparently 7-10 days after chemo your immune system is pretty defenseless. This is why the booster shot, to make sure I don't get really sick, and am able to stay on my 2 week schedule.
And if you didn't read the comment from Debbie yesterday, read it. Go Tillamook High School! I am totally impressed and flattered. I'm sure you did it more in support of the THS Mrs. Klumph than the SHHS Mrs. Klumph, but its amazing that that many of you did something outside of yourselves to make others feel supported and loved. My softball team has done the same thing. I hope you continue to do good things for others your entire life. I'm proud of you and Thanks!!!

7 to go...

I am feeling crappy, so this will probably be short, but in spite of puking, I'm incredibly excited to have one over with. I started feeling sick last night I think just with everything going on this week, and was still feeling a little sick this morning. So Mo the amazing puker puked the first time before I even had chemo in me (about 9). The anti-nausea that they gave me through the purple port helped for a while. While the chemo went in it was totally fine. The Adriamycin was red, and made me pee red, glad they warned me of that one, and the nurse put it in which took about 15 minutes. The next one was dripped in and took about half an hour. The port is great, no pain, didn't feel it going in, nothing. I then went to acupuncture. This felt nice, but I started puking right after. I tried an anti-nausea at one, got sick again when I got home. Brent called the doctor, and is at Safeway getting anti-nausea #2. I think I'd still rather take this than cancer. Maybe we'll figure out the nausea thing, maybe we won't, but I can puke for a couple days if it means no cancer!! Love you

Unremarkable

Here's a picture of the "power port" that's in my chest. Its just below my collarbone on the right side. I had absolutely no nausea, and Amber, I loved this anesthesiologist lady. It was a different one than last time, very personable, very comforting, plus I didn't puke, so I love her! It was again hard to get the IV in, so yay for ports. My Aunt Linda is obsessed with the color purple, so I'm sure she loves that this sucker is purple. Its under my skin, just a bump that sticks up a little bit. Its not painful, I did take some drugs earlier because my right arm is a little sore, but not bad at all.
The results of the bone scan came back, and all is normal. Rumor has it that if breast cancer was to spread, it would go to bones first, so if its not there, we're probably good. I also got the CT scan report in the mail which said that the ovary thing is "cystic." Sounds good, but we have to go look and see just in case. All the other organs reported on were "unremarkable." This is a good thing, but its funny to see something from a doctor that says your chest is unremarkable. Growing up, I had plenty of teenage boys to tell me that, I didn't need a CT scan for that one!
The plastic surgeon was good. I do not have to wear the ace bandage anymore!!!! The expanding wasn't painful. One of the needles to numb me kind of hurt when it hit the muscle, but not bad. The saline that goes in says "for irrigation purposes only" on the bottle. So, I'm unremarkable and full of irrigation. Rock on. I think I'll only go back like one more time, then I think I'll be good, but I guess we'll see!
I'm feeling ok about chemo tomorrow. I really just want to get on with it so I know how it will affect me. I don't like the unknown.
I have a variety of things to take with me tomorrow to make me feel better. I'm taking the prayer shawl that I got from Peggy (Rick & Debbie's church) that I absolutely love. Something about it immediately calms me and makes me feel better. I'm taking the Dutch Bros. coffee bucks from Diane because I don't know when coffee will taste good again, and I love coffee. I'm wearing a new shirt from the Sackvilles (thank you!!!!), because who doesn't love new clothes, and shoes that Sam gave me that she's deemed "cancer perks," and my lemon slushy bracelet. I have comfort foods, as well as comfort clothes. I'll have a book of sudoku puzzles from my cousins for entertainment. And, of course, the most comforting thing that I'll have with me, is Brent. Something about that kid sitting next to me makes it all ok. I have no idea how I'll feel tomorrow evening, but if I don't feel up to writing, I'll have mom put something on here to let you know how I'm doing. Love you!!

Kick me

Acupuncture was awesome. I left feeling totally relaxed. I felt like I was talking really slow and acting like a stoner, but it felt great! I don't know if it was the needles, or the fact that I was laying in a quiet room for like 20 minutes where my entire job was to relax. aaaahhhh. It was cool. I do that again after chemo, right after chemo, and its supposed to help with the nausea. We will see!
Monday was CT scan and bone scan. Between being injected with radioactive material while drinking the "berry flavored" drink, I was all aglow. They give you an option of berry flavored or citrus flavored. This is total crap, there is not flavor, just ew. It tasted like really creamy milk with some seven up in there, and some old lemonade. You have to make it last an hour, so you get to sip it and really get the flavor stuck in your mouth. Mmmmm. While they were trying to inject me with radioactive stuff for the bone scan, they had a hard time getting a vein to work. They tried once, missed, had a heat pack, beat on my arm for a while, had me squeezing a ball, etc then finally got one to "rise." Lucky me. Basically this was very reassuring that I need to do the port thing. I'm not excited about the port thing, but I don't want to have to hunt for veins every time I go in there, so ok, port me. Everyone says the port is the "way to go." I love that terminology, like anything about chemotherapy is the "way to go."
Anyway, the CT scan showed something questionable on my right ovary. "Cystic tissue." I get to do more tests. The doctor says she "doesn't think its cancer at all, but we have to be sure." It's probably a cyst, but there's too much stuff (organs, bones, etc.) in that area to see clearly, so ultrasound next Tuesday to check it out. At this point I don't know if I'm not concerned about this because I have some sort of intuition that tells me not to worry, or if I'm not concerned because its just one more thing in my new "norm." Kind of like if you keep kicking someone with the same force, eventually they'll probably get used to it, you have to kick a lot harder before its going to create a reaction. Kick me again, its cool, I can take it. Brent & I talked about it, Me: "ok, worse case scenario, its cancer, another surgery, and more chemo." Brent: "ok, fine, whatever." We're becoming numb. We just know there's nothing we can really do about it, so "whatever."
The oncologist says my hair will fall out after the first treatment. Again, I want to know exactly when. I don't know why, just makes me curious. Am I going to be taking a shower Saturday and all of a sudden its all gone? I've heard women say they shake their head from side to side and there's hair floating in the air all around them. When it does start falling, I'm thinking I'll shave it. Why wait for the last bit to go? We're going to call it a "shaving party" for Max's benefit. Anything with the word party attached he thinks is great, give him a sucker, maybe he'll want to help shave, he'll be good. Cannon's happy as long as he's eaten, so he should be good too.
I won't be at school tomorrow and Friday, so its weird to say to my students "see you Monday maybe." Having no idea what's about to happen has also become my new norm, but I still don't like it. I want to have some idea. Oh well. Ok, I have to plan for Mr. Sime to be here tomorrow & Friday, so off to work I go!!

Doctors, doctors, doctors

This teaching stuff is really getting in the way of my freelance writing career... I am loving being back at work. The students have been awesome. I've been brutally honest with them, which is of course all I know how to do, and they've handled it marvelously. Even the freshman, at least day one and day two, they were good. They could totally be a ticking time bomb, but I'll take what I can get. I have one student who is laughing about her teacher telling the class that she can't shave one armpit because of lack of feeling. These are the things that students tell their parents that they're learning at school. They never tell them that I actually teach them math concepts, just that I have a hairy armpit. Gotta love teenagers.
Thank you for all your insights into my 76%. I'm good now, doesn't bother me, doesn't consume my thoughts anymore, much less desire to scream from the rooftops. Although I would like to hang out with the homeless guy that Lisa commented on. I think I have a lot to learn from him.
I seem to have joined a cancer club now, and some of you may have as well just in talking about it with others. I've had three other staff members come talk to me about lumps they've found, husbands with cancer, etc. Its pretty amazing how widespread it is. I'm hoping at some point I learn how to say things to people to make them feel better. I empathize (probably spelled wrong) with them, but I don't know what to say other than "that sucks." It does make me feel better to hear all the other stories. Its comforting to know you're not alone, and that there are tons of people that made it through as much as I have, and more.
Next week I have some sort of doctor thing everyday. Wheee!! Monday is a bone scan and a CT scan. I think these are both to look and make sure cancer hasn't spread as well as to give baseline info to compare to as I go through chemo. I will probably call the doctor to find out exactly why these are recommended, but I'm really tired of talking to the doctors on the phone at this point. Tuesday is acupuncture, excited about this, Wednesday is the plastic surgeon to start enlarging my chest (and hopefully to remove ace bandage!!??). Thursday, port goes in my chest at 9AM. I have to be knocked out for this again, I'm totally afraid of puking from anesthetic, but I guess we'll see. And finally Friday, the big CHEMO followed by acupuncture again. The good news is that I think I'll be so busy running around trying to figure out where I'm going that I won't have too much time to develop severe anxiety over chemo. Maybe...
Totally non cancer related, this morning as I'm trying to get Max & Cannon ready to go so I'm not late for a meeting, Cannon coats the carpet in poo. I'm thrilled, obviously. Stupidly I did not put a diaper on him after this, thinking it was done, so after I got it cleaned up, I got poo #2. I finally got him and carpet cleaned up, and realized I had some urin on the bottom of my skirt. Ok, I have freaking cancer, shouldn't there be some sort of universal karmic thing that prevents me from having to clean poo off my carpet and pee off of me!!!?? Apparently not. Those little dudes are always a good reality check. Oh, in the middle of this, Max stopped watching cartoons long enough to yell, "Mommy!!!! Cannon pooped!!!" Thanks Max.
I also found out yesterday that I will be doing radiation after chemo is done. I don't know yet if that means we're radiating chest & armpit, or just one of them. Apparently four weeks after chemo, we start this one. In an ideal world, chemo will always happen on schedule, my body will always be ready for it, and I'll be done December 19th. Four weeks after this I start radiation everyday for 35ish days. I have coworkers that live in Corvallis, so I think I'll hitch a ride over with them, and ride back home with Brent. I think all of this scheduling is just preparing me for my future when Max & Cannon are older, and involved in 9 activities at a time, and I have to figure out which one happens where and when and keep track of it all. If I can balance doctors, I can balance little league. That's all the info I have for now. Thanks again for the cards and gift cards, and one "Chuck D. Duck" figurine. Randy & Nell are either really funny, or something is seriously wrong with them. ha ha!!

F Word

The only reason the real F word isn't up there is for Debbie & Grandma Milly. I had two doctor appointments yesterday and after I felt like standing on a really big building and screaming the F word as loud as I could. I do, however, live in Sweet Home where there aren't big buildings, so I guess we're good there. First was the oncologist. I wasn't expecting this to be hard, but for some reason when I got there, and saw the chemo paperwork and the dr. degrees on the wall with "oncology" on them, I freaked. She walked into the room and I started crying. Crap, I'm tired of crying in public. I got the sympathetic "I'm sorry" from her, cried more. Crap. So, she goes through this paperwork with my pathology report, my age, my health (pre-cancer) and gives me a number. The number is my chance of living for ten years, age 40. I have a 76% chance of making it. F WORD. 76!!!!!???? I wasn't ready for a number, and I definitely wasn't ready for a low number like that. Thanks to my math teacher dad and mother in-law, and Donna Miles, the expert, I'm feeling normal again today. All reassured me that everyone has a percentage out there somewhere, whether its driving in a car, flying in an airplane, whatever, everyone has one, I just have to actually know what mine is. And from a math perspective this is a small number, in the medical world, this is a big number. And as Dad said, you do everything you have to do, stay positive, good attitude, etc, to ensure you're in the 76%. Ok, I can do that. I went and had a beer and french fries after the doctor, it helped some.
So, the good news is that the oncologist seems to think chemo won't be a big deal for me. The first treatment tends to be the worst mainly because of the anxiety of it all, yup, I've got that part covered. Apparently my hair will fall out right away. I'm ok with the bald thing, I'm guessing when it actually happens I'll freak out, but right now, I'm oddly curious what I'll look like without hair... I'm going to cut it short before it falls out, maybe next weekend. My hope is that it will be a little easier on Cannon & Max. I've always wanted to cut my hair short, but been too afraid to do it, well, this is a face your fears few months so screw it.
Next was the surgeon, this is all good news. Healing well, plastic surgeon did a fabulous job, little bit of tightness in the left arm, we're cruising. Oh, I do have to continue to wear the ace bandage. This is like wearing a tight bra all the time. For those of you, like me, that love that moment at the end of the day when the bra comes off, you'll understand why this is a little annoying, but whatever. The ace bandage has to do with the expander bags and holding them in place. I don't picture them just moving around and suddenly they're at my knees, but fine. The plastic surgeon is in charge of when that comes off, and he seems to be good, so I'll do whatever he wants me to do.
My next appointments are: September 10th acupuncture, followed by plastic surgeon who will "pump me up." September 11th put in the port for the chemo at 9AM, and then September 12th is the first chemo appointment, followed by the second half of acupuncture. Mr. and Mrs. Sime will be busy teaching and babysitting this week. :) A lot of these appointments will require drugs before or after, so I have a lot of vicatin (see, I don't even know how to spell it!) in my future. I was sore last night and haven't been sleeping well, so I took 1/2 a pill, and the other 1/2 about 3 this morning. It didn't make me nauseous, so that was good to know. I was afraid I'd take drugs for pain and end up puking again. Oh! Chemo doctor also said that those people who try to keep their lives as normal as possible while doing chemo treatments, etc, seem to fair better. What? I made a good decision to work? Ha!
So, that was my crummy day yesterday, I'm feeling really good this morning, back to the good attitude part of life. I know the number, the shock sucked, but I had to hear it sometime. Thanks again for the cards and gifts, Diane, the bucket of candy and popcorn got here yesterday and was perfect timing. I ate honey roasted peanuts and again, felt much better. And for a brief male update: Cannon is close to crawling, he waves at you across the room and it makes you laugh everytime. Max is as stubborn and cute as ever, and has scammed both grandpas into doughnuts at the store, but the grandmas, (as he calls them Smamas) occassionally resist. Brent would have been right next to me yelling the F word yesterday, but is excited to be making salsa today, and is doing fabulous.

Working Girl

Ha ha! Lauren mentioned that the title here immediately made her think prostitute, which cracks me up, so I'm leaving it. I'm still teaching, I haven't turned to a life of selling myself. :)
I've made it through three days of work. I feel really good today. I went home at three yesterday just exhausted, so I probably should have gone home a little earlier, but I took a nap and slept well last night, so I feel better. This whole day has been in my classroom, and I brought Max with me for a while, so its been good. I love my coworkers, so being around them makes me feel like I have a normal life and makes me feel better. Every time I moved in a meeting, they were making sure I was ok, and offering to get me water, etc. They take good care of me here. Plus, I can ask for anything I want around here, and nobody's going to say no to me!! I have a better spot to sit in assemblies, I have the classroom assistants I want, I might have to play this cancer card a couple more times... ha ha I've also seen some students and been reminded why I love my job. I had a whole softball team who over the last month has brought me cards and gifts and made things easier. They're good kids, and I'm excited to see them. I know some of you think its ridiculous that I'm going to work, but I'm excited to be able to do it, I definitely have a new perspective on things.
I will try to put a picture of myself on here just so you know that I'm not like sickly looking, and walking around all pale and achy. :) I've had some requests for pictures for some reason. Don't worry I'll keep my shirt on! I look normal, I just have a very square chest area from the ace bandage wrapped around me. I believe its for swelling? I should know, but I tend to forget to ask important questions. I've been able to shower on my own which has been a wonderful thing for everyone, and I put my hair in a ponytail all by myself today. I feel like a little kid who's proud of tying his shoes.
I will probably have to do chemo through a port in my chest, so that sucks, but apparently a port in my chest is the better way to go. Whatever, more surgery sucks, but I don't seem to have much of a choice in this stuff. Its an in and out surgery, its less anesthetic, and hopefully much less or no puking. I don't know when we do that one, but I think we'll schedule it this Friday when I meet with the oncologist. I'm guessing. I always think I know what's going to happen, and very rarely have I been right. I also meet with the surgeon this Friday to check on healing I guess. I would like to not have to wear an ace bandage anymore, but again, I have no idea.
I talked to the acupuncture lady yesterday. It sounds like its to help relieve some of the anxiety of the whole thing, help the liver, heart, kidneys, and to help with the nausea from chemo. I go before and after chemo treatments. I'm not stoked about puking my guts again, so I'm hoping it helps. I've heard good things, but "everyone's different."
For my wonderful Gonzalez cousins. You're awesome. I ate some amazing home made tortillas last night, the enchiladas are thawing for tonight, (my dad's upset he won't be there for them), and the rest of the food we're saving until we start chemo and things get more hectic. Pate the hippie pants for Max & Cannon are the coolest things ever, and the gifts for the little guys is a great idea. When I have no energy, and no way to entertain, those will be perfect. And you can email me the pic of the shirts, or send it to me in the mail. Randy & Nell, the food you guys brought is so stinking good, I'm waiting for a special occasion because I don't want to have to share it with anyone.
My parents are leaving Thursday or Friday, and will be back when chemo starts. Dad's nervous about teaching again, my students will love him. My mom has been cleaning the house, taking care of most meals, and of course Max, Cannon, and me. If I show the smallest sign of being tired, I'm sent to the couch. Max understands that I can't pick him up because of the "big big band-aid" on my chest and seems to be ok with it. Cannon's the happy kid who wants to roll all over the floor to wherever Max is. Its soooo much better having them home. Brent's handling it all. The in laws living here, the wife with the emotions, the kids with the occasional screaming, and the job. I HAVE THE GREATEST FAMILY EVER!!!!

Pathology report

These are some of my "people." Jesse & baby Avery McClintic, and my dad with Gary & Janna toasting me. I have some on my phone, a few more on email (Lisa wasn't proud of her picture and wouldn't want it shared), and my cousin Amy sent one in the frame already printed. She's an overachiever. :) I love them!! Believe it or not, we're out of shirts. They went fast.

Dr. Faddis is the general surgeon who we went to see yesterday. He said it was a far more aggressive tumor than we originally thought, "nasty" were his words. Parts of it were high grade, meaning it was growing faster, I already told you it was bigger, and the node thing. Apparently its still up in the air as to whether or not I'll need radiation in addition to chemo. He said he's not totally convinced I need to, and if I do then there's a 25% chance that the implant on that side won't work. I don't really care about being a uniboob, so whatever. He has organized a panel of people (about 20)to talk about whether or not it needs to happen. He's taking good care of me. MARGINS WERE CLEAR around it, it had also spread to the nipple (sorry if you didn't want to know that). So basically he said it was all information that meant I was in good shape, I made the right decision with the mastectomy, lumpectomy wouldn't have been an option, and the only thing that really changes is the possible radiation. Totally do-able, not painful.

When I saw the doctor yesterday, he was really surprised at how well I'm healing and the most exciting part of all is THE DRAINS ARE GONE. I had these sweet plastic grenade shaped bottles hanging off of me that come along with long drain tubes. Very flattering. Brent wasn't impressed with the dance I invented to go along with it, but whatever. I was on an adrenaline rush yesterday. I saw the incisions, and the skin, etc, and it was TONS better than I thought it was going to be. It wasn't exactly pretty, but way better. When I asked the doctor if it would hurt when the drain came out his reply was "doesn't hurt me." Funny doctor man. So anyway, he also told me I could pick up my kids if it wasn't painful (Max still is), and start doing some stretches and things. I went a little crazy last night as far as moving my arms and such, expecting to be sore today. I'm not sore! I picked up Cannon yesterday and it felt soooo good to be able to pick up the little(?) guy. Good for my heart.

So basically, I'm going to work Monday, and very excited to be able to. One of the hardest parts is behind me. There's still some soreness, stretches to do, mobility and healing, but the big pain and operation is done! Yippee!! Chemo will be the next huge one, obviously. I'm still terrified of that, but the only reason we do that is in case there is some "microscopic cancer cell that is floating around somewhere." Big scary nasty tumor is gone! I can take showers, I have a few wraps now so the stinky one can be washed, I have been able to actually scratch some of the itches, I may even attempt to shave my legs today. Don't worry I won't get cocky.

My kids are coming home!!!!

Ok, I can't seem to get the pictures and stuff next to the writing on the right over there --> so I tried inserting a picture into the text. We'll see. I don't like trying to figure out what's wrong with computer stuff, so whatever. Anyway, Max & Cannon are coming home today!!! I'm so excited to see them. They are mama's boys and sorry Rick, but they will continue to be for a while and I don't care. They will be spoiled for a bit. :) We rented movies to watch in bed with Max, and I can get up and down to the floor with no problem, so we should have plenty we can do. And we have lots and lots of books. Yay!
We got the pathology stuff yesterday, well a brief version of it from the doctor. The tumor was freaking huge, but apparently really doesn't matter. It would be wonderful if they looked at it and it was small, but more for peace of mind. It was 4.5 cm, which is more than twice what they thought. Yeee!! However, it doesn't change treatment, nothing, so it just doesn't really matter. There were 5 lymph nodes that were removed, and cancer was found in three. My understanding is that if its not in all 5, it's cool. The stage of cancer now goes from borderline 1-2 to 2-3. If it had been in one more lymph node, then I would have been stage 3, but I'm stage 2. This matters to doctors for some reason (we meet with surgeon tomorrow, I'll ask more about this), but my treatment would have been the same regardless of the number of nodes it is in. I will have eight chemo treatments every other week starting mid September ish. We meet with the oncologist on the 29th. Because the tumor was bigger, if it was deep enough, then we may have to do radiation as well, which will happen after chemo. Radiation is more of an inconvenience than anything else, having to be about 35 days in a row, everyday except weekends and holidays. The whole process takes about 10 minutes, if that, and side effects are skin irritation and tightness, that sort of thing, no injections, no nausea, so whatever. I have a few questions for the surgeon tomorrow. I would love to take these drains out, but I guess we'll see. I can move my arms a bit more, which helps with the little irritating things. And I haven't had much pain. There's always a comfortable position I can find without pain, just sometimes takes longer than others to find it.
The little irritating things crack me up. In the hospital when there was more aches and pains, everytime I lifted my head from the pillow it caused pain, so when I wanted to turn my head, I wouldn't lift and turn, just turn. This sounds minor, but that meant laying my head to one side my ear was always folded over. I know, major surgery, pain, morphine, nausea, and the annoying part is that my ear is folded and I can't do anything about it... I'm gifted. I also couldn't scratch my head. At one point I pulled a Grandma Hazel and scratched my head with my fork which felt sooo good. I believe Grandma got booted from a nursing home for this maneuver, but they let me stay. This turning on the pillow and not bathing also meant I had some sweet hair. Seriously sticking out everywhere. This part didn't bother me, just the ear thing. I put one of Brent's shirts on by myself yesterday. It was slow, and it had to be Brent's shirt so the arms were low enough to get into, but it worked! I have had my hair washed twice, (oh my God, that's amazing!!) and I haven't taken any drugs since yesterday afternoon. I think I'm healing!! (I'm singing that one). Overall, I'm feeling really, really good.
I'm not excited about chemo, obviously. I've heard stories of those that do great, I've heard stories of transfusions and hospitalizations. I have no idea where I'll be on the spectrum of this. ("Everyone handles it differently") I'm just trying to focus on healing right now, and I'll get ready for chemo after I meet with the oncologist. We'll see... I'll try to write again after we talk to the surgeon and get some more info.
I've checked every comment on here, and am flattered its sent to so many! From Ireland to Alaska, Georgia, Southern California, right on!! If you have other questions, or stuff you want to know feel free to ask, I'm obviously not shy about this sort of thing.

Cancer free baby!

I'm in a hell of a lot of pain, and look like frankenstein when I walk, but I don't have a lump of cancer in me anymore!! I had all sorts of drugs, morphine drips, vicatin, oxycoton, and some anti-nausea drugs. That anti-nausea stuff is a bunch of crap. I've been puking for a few days, which totally sucks. I just stopped taking drugs, and it seems to have slowed. My stomach is up and down, but seems to be feeling better. I can't tell you how good it feels to be at home in my own sweatpants and my own bed. Mom and Dad and Brent are all here, so that is hugely helpful. I have three people waiting on me hand and foot. I promise I'm taking advantage. Brent's going to get annoyed with me first, mom will try to everything and exhaust herself and dad will zone into his own little world. :) I love them all! I don't know how people do this without family and friends to help. Especially my friends and family. If you are some of the people that got pink tie-dyed shirts from my Aunt Linda, she made 70 of them. We have some extras. There was a parade of people at the hospital in pink tie-dye that said "mo's people." How cool is that!?
The surgeon tells me the surgery went well. He said the incisions are very small. At this point I really don't care, but I'm sure I will at some point. I can get up and move around and I'm getting very good at the "butt shimmy." When I sit and have to maneuver without my arms, its pretty entertaining. Try it, you can't help but laugh, and you'll be familiar with the "butt shimmy."
I had a flower shop in my hospital room. It was beautiful, and I had some visitors as well. Thanks for everything. I feel like there's a hell of a lot more ahead of me, but one giant step is over. Just getting through surgery makes me feel a lot better. I can handle aches and pains, I just don't like being knocked out, or the drugs that come with it. Oh,and it was in my lymph nodes,so they had to take those too. Basically means I'll have a more "rigorous" route for chemo, but I'm not going to think about it until I feel better. They're supposed to let me know in a couple of days how many lymph nodes are involved. I may have to do radiation as well as chemo, but we'll see, and again, I'll focus on that later. Sam, thanks for the comments and max & cannon stories. I'm excited to see those guys!!!!!!!! Ok, arms are tired, write more later!!