I left Max & Cannon in Tillamook today. Cried all the way down the road until I realized I could listen to music really loud that wasn't Dora the Explorer, I could stop to pee without major difficulty, and I didn't have to have a puke bucket for Max. The rest of the drive was beautiful outside and a lot of singing at the top of my lungs.
At this time tomorrow, I'll be well into surgery! Most of the time, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I can't believe the emotional roller coaster I'm on, I thought pregnancy hormones were an adventure... I had no idea. I hit those moments during the day where I start to get a little freaked, but I keep focusing on the positive and fighting off the negative. Sounds cheesy, but whatever works at this point. I do some visualization of myself waking up, there's pain, but I picture a complete sense of relief that its all gone! The surgery is over. aaahhhh...
I have had many survivors that I talk to give me sort of their survival tips for how to make it through, visualization, nutrition, exercise, meditation, journal, etc. I considered all of these, but to do them all is just exhausting and irritating. I finally decided whatever makes me feel better is what I'm going to do. I've eaten ridiculous amounts of cookies the last week, I've exercised not at all, and I had a giant steak. My heart might not be thrilled, but I'm happy! One woman basically told me to do whatever I felt like I needed to do to feel like I have a complete "circle of healing." What makes me feel better is all of you. I re-read happy thoughts over and over again, and it makes me feel stronger. I will cut down on the cookies, but basically, you make me feel better, so thank you.
I feel about as ready as I can be for the surgery. How do you really know? For some reason part of my preparation is to do pointless things, like shave my armpits, and pluck my eyebrows, because who knows when I can do that again, and having Brent or my mom do it is a little frightening. They inject some blue dye in me tomorrow at 9:30, which apparently turns my skin blue-ish purple in that area, like a bruise, and then they're going to draw on me to know where to cut and such. So, I'm shaving my stupid armpits, because that's a concern, but I'm going to wake up without a couple body parts, and with bruise-like things and drawings all over me. Totally makes sense. Anyway, I will hopefully be home Sunday. I will be bringing some cards and letters with me to the hospital, I will be sleeping my butt off, kind of excited about that part, and don't worry I won't say no to drugs. :) I LOVE YOU!!!
8 comments:
hi Mo and Brent.....I will be thinking of you ALL DAY tomorrow!! In reading your post, and all the comments left for you guys, I am once again humbled at how wonderful love is.....I absolutely believe you are surrounded by it's healing power. I wish for you a peaceful evening tonight (maybe sneak another cookie in there), some time for laughter and lots of hugs. We love you Mo.....will be waiting for the good news tomorrow that the surgery is behind you, and the healing begins!!!!!
Hi Mo! Obviously Donna and I are following this very closely! Your writing style makes me laugh in the middle of all this adversity! You are making it the best case scenario! We are thinking of you and wishing you and your family quick healing! Surround yourselves in the love that is being given and we will see you soon! Love ya All of you! Go get cancer free!
My Dearest cousin,
I'm sorry that we haven't seen each other in about two years and these circumstances had to prompt me writing to you! I know the wondering about waking up from surgery, results unknown, and eating cookies like never before (mine was doughnuts), and having weird colors pumped into your body... now that I think about it, I shaved under my arms and plucked my eyebrows too! It's funny the little things that make us feel better, thank the Lord for those little things. The "best" thing about cancer though is the fighter within you breaks out, and this is a fighter full of courage and endurance. You will win, and your perspective on life will be forever changed. You are absolutely right, in this time you do whatever you need to do to get through surgery and then let the healing begin! My one piece of advice (because I know you don't have enough already) is acknowledge how you feel and be ok with it. We're women, feelings change! Breathe deep tomorrow, enjoy the morphine button (it takes aaaalllll the pain away) and your new boobs! My prayers are with you everyday. Jaime
Hi Mo. Sleep well tonight. Eat cookies as soon as you can after the surgery and drink milkshakes until then. And listen to music loudly, often. You inspire us all...and if that sounds like too much pressure, just know that it doesn't mean you have to do anything more than be yourself. Lots of love & energy from Seattle!
I am praying for you and wearing my hot pink "Team Danny O'Brien" t-shirt. Go Mo! kk
Mo,
I have been praying all day for you and thinking of you during surgery. I am so glad that you were able to make some of this a bit easier with some cookies (its the little things in life we take for granted:)). Looking forward to more updates and sending lots of encouragment your way.
Love,
Carolyn
I've been praying for you and your family since I heard about your cancer. I'm looking forward to hearing an update soon. Take full advantage of people waiting on you and bringing you lots more cookies.
God bless,
Jody McComas (Ludecker)
Hello Mo and Brent! I found you're website through Carolyn who is sending prayer request for you...she's great! Anyway, I just want you to know that we'll be praying for a uneventful surgery and quick recovery. My mother-in-law was diganosed with breast cancer 2 years ago on Christmas Eve and underwent a double mastecomy herself. She did amazing and surprisingly she said her pain wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. So I will be praying the same for you! Stay strong and keep positive (I can tell you are by your blog). Always, Tracey
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